The hardest thing I've ever learned...

was when to shut up.

And I don't think I'm the only one.  Sometimes one is overcome with the urge to continue speaking after saying something stupid.  One falsely believes that continuing talking might be considered "normal" or "charming."  One does not notice that the looks of severe concern on ones colleagues faces are probably masking deep boredom and disinterest in the topic one shares. 

That's why I'm glad I blog.

Blogging: For People Who Just Can't Shut Up.

And I love it.

Backstabbed

Severely backstabbed at work.  Between two competing companies.  Fortunately, I'm in the right - but I'm angry that company policy was so readily ignored.  Precedents that would make it seem feasible to seek legal action anyone?  I'm not a fan of blathering on in regards to corporate lawsuits but I won't be trampled on.

Seething with rage I be.  But, like, the take-responsible-action rage not that..  you know, other kind. 

In other news, Marilyn Manson is satan.

That is all.

The Birds and Bees

"The point of sex is procreation," Aidan said rather assertively. 

 

 "Nay," said I.  "The point of sex is orgasm." 

 

 "Dude, animals have sex to have kids.  Even humans.  It's part of ensuring our species survives." 

 

"Really?  How many people do you know that have sex and habitually stop before reaching climax." 

 

He looked at me funny.

 

"None."

 

"Funny thing, though - I know people who regularly use some sort of birth control to avoid having children."

 

Aidan flashed a defeated smile and toasted to continual orgasmic enjoyment. 

 

"As always," I reminded him, "I am right.  You are wrong."

Hunting Prey

Women, take heed of this post.  Perhaps it will give you insight in to what guys are thinking when they see you, a sexy, hopefully single woman, in line in public.

 

These are the things we - or maybe just I - pay attention to when you're conversing with your friends.

 

So cute potential single walks in to line.  She's wearing scrubs so she's a nurse of some kind.  I like what I see.  She begins talking to her friend who just happens to be in front of me in line - she gives me a cursory glance and a smile so I pay attention.

 

During their conversation I pick the following sentences out and immediately interpret them, adding the comments relevance to my "talk to her" scale.  If they sound good, I'll talk.  If not, I will move on.

 

Sentence 1:  "Cathy is working my Saturday and Sunday."

My Interp: You have tonight and tomorrow off.  This is great news. 

 

Sentence 2:  "Joann at work is being a real bitch about following rules she says exist.  I've never heard them before.  I'll have to look through the handbook to find out if she's just pulling my chain."

My Interp:  Nice.  You're having problems at work and you don't require the brawn of a man to solve them.  Independence is attractive.

 

Sentence 3:  "Well, I couldn't be at work Tuesday because he had an appointment."

My Interp:  You either have a boyfriend/husband or a kid.  Probably a kid because most men are capable of taking themselves to their appointments which means you could have gone to work.  Either that or you're taking care of your senile father - either way, I'm not ready for the kind of commitment any of these possibilities will inevitably lead you to expect. 

 

That simple.  The lesson here?  Watch what you say ladies!  This girl probably didn't have any reason to watch what she said, but for those of you who are single and looking - we do listen rather intently and will take any off or odd sounding comment as a potential alarm.

 

What fun this game is!

New Age - New Background

In honor of my 22nd I'm changing my blog's background to another one.  This particular design has all the elements I enjoy in webdesign - nice coloring, cool vectors and, perhaps most important of all, someone else's blood sweat and tears.  Not mine.

 

Unfortunately I have some editing to do on the layout as my name is clearly not Marten Timan - although I suppose the name could suffice as a perfect alias in ten years when my being spurned in the corporate world leads me to a life of crime.  Just remember - if you see Marten Timan on the FBI Most Wanted list it probably isn't me.

 

If this loads a bit slow at first it's because all of the images that belong to this design are on imageshack.  I'll have to download the images and move them to another server because the worst possible thing I can imaging occuring involves imageshack's infamous Frogs of Death.  You know the ones - "This image has exceeded it's bandwidth and we are attacking you with frogs because of it."

 

So bear with me and enjoy Marten Timan's hard work.