Making Angels Cry

Yesterday was a horrid day.

 

I decided a few months ago that my feelings for Girl had changed.  Fast forward to yesterday - Girl has been been gone for a bit over a month training for a new job.  She came home looking gorgeous as ever I'd seen her. 

 

While she was flying in, I cleaned her apartment to a point of spotlessness I knew even she'd be pleased with, and purchased an excellent bottle of wine.  Also, a 12 pack of her favorite beer and a few limes. 

 

We hadn't spoken much while she was away, which made this much harder - so when she arrived I met her at a car with a glass of wine and helped her bring her things in.  I wanted to talk to her, see how she'd been - the last thing I wanted was to end two great years with a simple "it's over." 

 

I asked questions, she gave answers - we caught up;  "Talk to me," she said.  "I'm not stupid.  I know you want to break up."

 

I was as clear as I could be with my answers - as clear as anyone looking at a tall, gorgeous, olive-skinned, golden eyed brunette laying on big pillows with tears in her eyes is capable of being - I tried not to pull punches, to tell her just how I felt.

"Just say you don't love me anymore," she said.  "It'll be easier to hear."  I couldn't say that, because I do - so she saved me.  "You're not in love with me."  "I guess that's how it's said," I responded.  

So much happened that it's difficult to catalog - but the one thing I'll never forget is when she said she was going to move to another apartment. 

"Somewhere safer?" I asked.  "Somewhere where everything I look at doesn't remind me of you," she sobbed as she curled in a ball.  

I don't post here much, so I imagine - and maybe hope - no one will read this - but I hope when I look back I remember the dreariness of these moments.  The pain of breaking a heart, watching it happen.  Taking full responsibility for another person's suffering.

It's a memory I'll never take for granted.

 Nobody said it was easy, It's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard.

Coldplay - The Scientist