Missing Word

Back in the day when I was a wee, impressionable lad I realized something very important about what women were ACTUALLY saying during discussions.

 

See, I used to have this girlfriend - H.  And she and I used to have discussions, because that's apparently what happens in relationships between the drinking and sex.  Discussions.  These were, I'll note, of the text variety.

 

These textscussions would usually begin with me asking, "Whatcha doin'?" or some variation thereof.  Nothing special - easy to answer.  The perfect opening, as Kasparov might say.  Or he mightn't.

 

Anyway, I could always tell what sort of mood this girl was in by how she responded.  If she was in a good mood she'd give me a long involved answer - "gettin my nails did, you?" or somesuch thing. 

 

By now you've begun to imagine H as a bootylicious, buxom and crazy african american female.  Well, she was DEFINITELY bootylicious (I'm an ass guy) - but she was white.  I say "was" because I haven't spoken to her in years and I fully allow for the possibility of a sex and or skin-color change.

 

But anyway.  When she was in a BAD mood, she'd respond normally, but would FORGET one word. 

 

That bitch would forget to say ", you?"  Can you believe that?  She'd leave out the one word that implied she gave a shit about what I was doing.  It also made it very difficult to continue the conversation because, well, she hadn't asked what I was doing and since the entire conversation was based on "doing" the conversation essentially came to a screeching halt.  The next text from me would be somewhat awkward, like putting a round purple peg in to the square orange hole or putting both legs through one pantleg.

 

In other words, the whore was +1 on me every time. 

 

I guess the entire point of this post is this - I recently began using this method in my text conversations with women.  And let me tell you - I'm quite the fucking brain ninja.  It puts across the whole "i don't really care about you that much but I guess I'll talk to you if you have nothing better to do" vibe that - let's be totally honest - women love.

 

Because, in the early stages of relationships, women don't want guys to care.  At all.  The less the better.

 

Ah - another text incoming.  Better believe I won't use the word "you" in it anywhere.

 

Brilliant.