Monday, April 21, 2008

What a blasty blast I had last night...

I took a new girl - let's call her J - out to Austin last night.
 
I love ATX on Sundays.  The bars are almost dead quiet, so the bartenders can take more time on the drinks.  Which usually means better drinks.  Plus, I can bullshit about working at a bar and, while it doesn't always do me any good drinkwise, bullshitting is always fun.
 
We hit a bunch of the smaller bars and J got a few free shots out of the staff.  I guess I wasn't cute enough for those guys though, because I didn't get crap.  Oh well - they saved us a little money  ;)  I'd say they saved ME a little money but she was more than happy to buy rounds of shots and, well, who am I to refuse?
 
The second to last bar we hit was jamming with three bands.  So we hit the upstairs and listened to this guy solo jam on his electric guitar.  The dude was seriously, seriously rockin'.  I bought us all a few rounds and listened to the grooviness.  Groovy.
 
Anyway, hit my friend's bar and ended up at her casa watching Juno.  I kinda invited myself this time - not normal - so I felt bad and decided to leave around 5.  Got home an hour later and J and I crashed out.  A little making out and kissing and rubbing and more kissing (she has amaaaaazing, full lips.  yum.) and then sleep.  Until noon. 
 
Then... hangover city.  :)
 
In other news, B (remember the seven day relationship?) told my best friend's wife her side of the story.  Apparently, she was going to call and explain and apologize for being so, as she says, "unintentionally rude" but I called her first and broke it off.
 
I simply lack patience for these kind of things.  Perhaps I'll soon find that's something I need to change about myself, but for now it's who I am.

Monday, April 14, 2008

The Aftermath

She didn't mean to come across the way she did.  Apology accepted, but I can't move forward with this girl.  I've been through this kind of ride before.

The real deal is she just started hanging out with all our friends at the bar again and she wants to go out there EVERY night now.  Nothing wrong with wanting to party - just not what I'm looking for in a girlfriend. 

So I ended this one permanently.  Sucks, too.  I thought things were going somewhere.

Back on the single train.  Choo choo?

Sunday, April 13, 2008

The Seven Day Relationship

Disclaimer, maybe?  This post goes in to great detail.  GREAT detail.  Beware.

I haven't been posting much because I've been seeing a girl - we'll call her B.

I met her at my best friend's pop's bar.  She was sitting next to my other best buddy's wife.  I looked at BBWife and whispered, "That girl next to you is bad."  Said BBWife - "That's funny.  She just said you were fucking hot."  Clearly, introductions were made and she gave me her number.  So:

Day 1 - Sunday

We meet up for a late supper on the strip we have out in my town.  We were absolutely hitting it off, so I brought her to my OTHER best friend's (also -- roommate's) bar where we drank all we wanted for about $15.00 plus tip.  Afterwards a rigorous makeout session ensued.  I then followed her to her friend's house (she lives out of town but was staying nearby) to make sure she got home safely.  A kiss and a walk to the door capped it off.

All I could think was, " This girl is really, really hot, funny, smart - and she has a seexxy southern accent.  I love southern accents."


Day 2 - I think you get it.

She came over and we went out to a bar and had some drinks and chatter and food.  She stayed the night at my house this time and I blessed her with the movie Hot Rod (Coooooooool beans!) - which we watched in between sporadic displays of affection.  I put her to bed in my room and left to go to the couch.  "Stay with me tonight," says she.  "We just won't have sex."  We end up on the bed, me in just boxers and her in boyshorts and a top.  Earlier that night she said SHE was being a tease.  She now knows I am much, moreso.  All night I'd start her up, let her start to fall asleep and then wake her up again.  She had work early the next morning, poor thing.  I got her to the point of giving in and then kissed her goodnight.

Day 3 - A really good day.

We met up again at the bar in which we'd first met.  We were all there - best friend and his girlfriend (a friend of B, best friends to my other best friend's wife...  Listen, this turns out to be a big circle.  We all are friends and shit.  Which may make this a little more complicated.  Cool beans? 

Cool beans.)

Anyway, we had ANOTHER great time.  Just click-click-clicking all over the place.  Said best friend's girlfriend - "You guys have a glow about you."  Whatever, but that's what she said.  Anyway, we leave said bar at closing time and head home.  It's about 3 am - so we have to be quiet because roommate is sleeping.  Straight to the bedroom we go, where she announces that she has work LATE tomorrow.  Two PM!  PERFECT!

We had amazing sex.  Mind-blowing, she would later tell my best friend's wife.  After an hour in my bedroom we walked through the house stark naked to my front porch to sit in the rain.  We had sex right outside, traffic driving right by us, the rain misting us all the way through.  Amazing.

Then we drove to the nearest Chevron to grab something to drink.  She had to go to the bathroom.  Apparently, I had to go with her.  We had amazing sex.  Again.  Trashy, you say?  Absolutely smoking hot.  Try it sometime.  As we did the walk of shame out the door, the cashier's "whispered" - out loud - "Looks like THEY had some fun in the bathroom."  I couldn't help but crack a smile. 


Day 4 - A really, really good morning.

She woke up at nine, turned my tv on and slept cuddled up against me until 1230.  I woke up, kissed her - and it happened all over again.  An hour later she had to take a shower and head to work.  She left with the biggest smile on her face I've ever seen.  Starrrrting to faaaaaall for her a biiiiiit!

Best friend's wife texts me all the things she said the next day.  Did you read the disclaimer above?  Somewhere in there were the words, "absolutely mind blowing" and "really huge."  Great news, no?

Day 5 - Chatty chatter

We had some great conversation, a little talk of future sexual adventures and made potential plans for the next day.  But I work at a bar - and as it turns out, bars like to open at night.  So I worked - and she didn't make it out to see me.  No biggie.

Day 6 - How sweet.

We chatter.  I'm kinda tired when she calls, but "she wants to talk to me."  See how my night was and such.  I was glad she called.  Butterflies begin around here.  I work again. 

Today - At like, 4 fucking AM.

She goes to my best friend's dad's bar again.  Around 2, she and the staff all go out to a karaoke bar in the area that sells alcohol after it's legally allowed.  She texts me at 2:30 and says, "Come to [karaoke club] now!  Please?"  Man.  I love that she says please.  Really.  I do.  I'm guaranteed to be stuck at work for at LEAST 2 more hours, so I tell her I'll be there as soon as I can. 

I was right.  I got off at 4:30 - and I had to bust my ASS to do it.  I usually get out at six.  They usually leave the bar around 5, so I went straight to see her, grunge and all. 

I get there and she's wearing this guy J's hat.  Now this guy is a skinny, kinda odd looking fellow.  But he can fucking sing - and he's got a really chill personality.  All in all, I do not feel threatened here.

I enter the karaoke room and we sit down.  She leaves a space between us and her friend sits.  Friend knows that we're seeing each other and offers to switch spots with her so she can sit next to me.  The switch isn't made.  This girl has sat next to me every time we've gone out up to now.  That's all I'm sayin'.

She says almost nothing to me.  Her friend leaves, so I whisper in her ear and ask for a kiss.  She.  Gives.  Me.  Her.  Cheek.  Forgive me for being vulgar, but your mouth has been places on me that are far more risque than my mouth.  What the fuck gives?

J sits down between us - she gives him his hat back and they begin to chat.  She doesn't touch him or anything - but she talks to him all night.  This would not normally bother me in the least - but I think I'm beginning to see a pattern here. 

J gets up to sing.  I hear her whisper, "He is SO HOT."  I look over and she's looking at him.  She says it again, louder this time.

J leaves.  I ask again for a kiss.  She says, "I don't want one."  It is here it becomes clear.  "All right.  Well, I've got to go.  Good night."

She gives me a tight-lipped, smart-ass smile and wave and gets up to sing with J. 

I leave and go to bed, infuriated. 

Do you folks realize what she just did?  She invited me out (something I had to work very, very, very hard to do) just to show me, rather than tell me, that her interests had changed.  Do you realize what kind of a bitch you have to be to do such a thing? 

I sent her a text this morning because I must have the last word.  "Way to be last night.  If you weren't interested anymore you could've just told me instead of being a child about it.  Later."

This has to be the most devious thing a woman has ever done to me.  Incredibly subtle, but punch-to-the-face obvious.

My mind is blown.


Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The Most Vindictive Person Alive

I am the most vindictive person alive. And I can prove it.

I visited WalMart (the WorstplaceManevercreated) and at the checkout got to experience a rude cashier. When I walked to the card-takin'-mo'chine it politely asked me if my cashier had greeted me.

She hadn't.

I said she had.

Then I said hello to HER and explained that because I had said she'd greeted me, I had to make it happen. Elsewise I'd be a liar.

She just half-smiled and kept ringing me up.

After all was said and done she pulled my receipt and I asked her to put it in one of my bags. She just stared at me. When I grabbed the receipt from her, she reached down to her carousel to open a single bag up, making it easier to put the next customer's stuff in.

As I walked off, I looked at her and stopped. Staring at her all the while, I grabbed the carousel and turned it so the bag faced me - the furthest possible point from her I could find.

I just smiled and walked off.

+1 for the consumer.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

I am in zeh troubles

Nothing seems to have come of the aforementioned incident.  At least not yet.  If something does, I have "witnesses" who will testify in my defense - but I don't know that I feel so secure in that.

My troubles have more to do with school work.  I'm simply NOT doing it.  At all.  I've got about four weeks left in the semester and a million assignments to finish that should have been finished a month ago.  I guess two snowboarding trips and a whole buncha having fun and smoking weed have taken their toll.

Anyway, I'm quitting the weed for a while.  I have nothing against it and I'm sure I'll enjoy it every once in a while in the near future, but it's getting in the way right now and I can't have that.  So - goodbye pot.  You will be missed.

I'm having the carpet pulled in my house this Friday.  Then painting - then doing some lawn clean up - and then putting that sumbitch on the market.  I hope it sells quickly.  I think it can. 

Bar work is going really well.  Really well.  If not for the money then for the extreme increase in female attention.  That's always fun.

But it IS a bar - and these girls ARE drunk.  And about 60% are married - and over half of them are willing to cheat.

Just not down for that.

But man, I really need to get out of this town.  I like Austin way better - and I get tons of attention out there WITHOUT having control of the alcohol.  And those wimmens be single!

I ramble, and I apologize.

<3

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Uh oh...

Yesterday I was at school writing the blog post you see below.  While doing so I did a google image search in order to find an ass I could compare to what I put in the post.
 
I found a picture of a blonde in a bikini leaning against a boat - pulled it up - and lo and behold comes a voice from behind me.  "You're looking at PORNOGRAPHY!!!"
 
About four hours later she and I had a class together.  A bit of verbal sparring (which I thought was in jest from the beginning) occurred.  Afterwards she went back to her work until our teacher entered.  Suddenly, she closes all her applications and logs out of her computer in haste - goes to the teacher (in front of the class) and accuses me of looking at pornography and being extremely aggressive and if she has to drop this course she will.
 
Then she leaves the room.
 
Ironically, she missed the midterm.
 
This could be bad.