Gonna run round in a circle

I got to school today and couldn't find my class.

I kept searching the building my schedule said the class was in, asking if anyone had any idea where my class was.

I looked for forty five minutes before I finally got to a computer to verify the class location.

As it turns out, I was completely correct about my class building/room. Go figure - when am I ever wrong?

Oh, by the way - school doesn't start until June 4.

That is all.

People can't fucking drive

So I'm driving back to work from lunch when I get stuck behind train-track-traffic.

 

A train is going through so the road leading up to the train is clogged up - just BEFORE that road is an intersection where I happen to be stuck at a red light.

 

Now imagine this:

 

Train is gone.  Guard rails are up and traffic...  doesn't move.  I get a green light and wait for almost the ENTIRE LIGHT.  Traffic starts moving and I begin crossing the intersection. 

 

Traffic stops.

 

The light turns yellow while I'm in the middle of the road. 

 

Traffic starts going again.

 

I'm halfway across the intersection and TRAFFIC STOPS AGAIN!  To get out of the middle of the intersection (note: half of this intersection is a HIGHWAY - a small section of it, granted, but a highway nonetheless!) I have to pull in to opposing traffic's left-turn lane.  Thank goodness it was empty.

 

So I'm stuck and traffic is STILL not moving.  There's no train, no stop signs or lights ahead...  people just don't want to MOVE.

 

Then the unthinkable happens.

 

Some dude on the highway portion of the intersection HONKS at me.  I snapped.

 

"THANKS FOR THE HONK.  I HAD NO IDEA I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE INTERSECTION IN THE WRONG LANE!"

 

Dip shit.

 

Anyway, none of this is my fault.  I blame it on everyone else.

Dryspell broken

Last night was a good night. I went out feeling good and got lots of attention. You ever notice you're a LOT more attractive to the opposite sex when you're clearly self-confident? I mean, I always look like me... but when I feel particularly cocky I get tons and tons and tons of .. you know.

Anyhow, hooked up with an old "flame" last night. Fun stuff and well worth it. I always like going back to the past for a bit - brings back good memories. Yeah, and this girl is quite good too - she does this thing with her... you know, that's probably best left private.

Hope all two of you who read this (of which I am one) have a happy Memorial Day weekend!

Overheard at the repair shop

While getting an oil change I had the opportunity to overhear conversation going on in the back room of my local repair shop. It went like this (and read this with a Texan accent since, you know, we're in Texas):

Shop Guy #1: "What the HELL? Yer gonna charge him fer THAT?"
Shop Guy #2: "Yip."
Shop Guy #1: "Must be nice!"

What. The. Fuck.

Need some lawyers

Flooding in my area is intense. I've been here a decade and have never seen flooding anywhere near this level.

So. I've reviewed my Bible.

There appears to have been a contract made by God with Man that states something along the lines of, "I won't ever flood the earth again."

I'm lookin' for a loophole - any way we can get this interpreted in such a way as to make flooding altogether illegal?

For those of you who are offended by the idea I might attempt to pay to take God to court, fear not. I hear he's got a crack team of lawyers so screw that.

I want a FREEBIE.

Air Conditioner

My air conditioner has stopped performing.  It's hot in Texas.  100+ days are soon to come.

 

Without A/C I will surely die.

 

I have an A/C Person Guy Representative Woman coming out to quote a repair price.

 

I plan to severly undercut whatever estimate he/she/it plans to give me.

 

Wish me luck.

 

Here's hoping the dry spell breaks

So - school.

Summer semester starts next week and I'm excited - more for the selection of women in this area during our summer semester than for my classes (obviously).

See, a great thing happens here during summer. All the beautiful and intelligent girls that were smart enough to AVOID finding meaningful employment here and SKIPPED buying a tie-you-down house are going to major universities far, far away.

Much like some of the major universitites I was accepted to and now regret passing on - but I digress.

So the good news is this - summer is always good to me. I always find a few hot and interesting girls to date and have a good time with.

The bad news is that once summer is over the real world returns. And I'm not talking Real World. This ain't MTV. I'm talking about the real, devastating, disgusting absence of females. They all return to major-U-whichever.

Screw it, I'm going to plunge in to summer head-first and rock out with my cock out.

SWEET.

To the breaking point

I've spent the majority of my professional career as a customer service representative. I know the ins and outs of the job, I know the nuances, I know how frustrating it can be to talk to a stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid customer...

...and I know when I'm being played for a fool.

Today my bank tried to pull my punk card and in doing so almost lost every penny I had with them.

Again.

It all began with an incorrectly applied fee. It was obviously incorrect. It was clearly a mistake. It should have been easy to fix.

It took me seven phone calls and two supervisors to get what I wanted done. Wanna know what speech got me what I wanted? Nay, what I DESERVED (along with a lower APR for life)!

"One of two things is happening here:

a.) You don't give a damn about my money and you don't care whether or not you have me as a customer so you're saying "screw you, goodbye."

or

b.) You see I was born in 1985, imagine that I am one among the majority of 21-year-olds who doesn't understand consumer rights and bank responsibilities.

Now, let's slash option A. If you didn't care about my money you'd just give me this damn credit I already deserve and this conversation would have ended six calls ago.

That means you think I'm a stupid 21 year old. Your bank thought that once when I was nineteen and I told you (with a rather immature smirk on my face - but you couldn't see it, so who cares?) you would regret your decision to ignore my reasonable request.

Know what I did that year? That year that you thought I was another-stupid-19-year-old-that-didn't-get-the-world-and-could-be-worked-over-easily.

I bought a house - through someone ELSE. They're making THOUSANDS a year in interest on my home and you're not.

Fix my problem or - and I say this with a slightly immature smirk on my face - I'll get rid of you completely."

Not only was the charge they couldn't remove removed (it was invalid anyway! They KNEW it was!) I was also given a low-low fixed rate APR.

How the meek has become the master, eh?

Things to avoid on a first date

I found myself reading through a variety of blogs that catalogued bloggers' first dates and relationships (as all good blogs inevitably will at some point in their existence) and began to remember and dissect MY previous first dates.

Here are a few of the mistakes I made that may have ended it all immediately had I not been charming enough to save myself:

1. Don't tell your date anything you wouldn't tell an interviewer

It took me some time and some help to realize that the first mistake I consistently made on dates was letting said date too deep in to my life. For example...

I took a girl on a nice first date to a brand-new "upscale" (this is Texas, people) steakhouse that had just opened. As it turned out one of my exes from WAYYY back in the day was our waitress. My date discussed her disdain for said ex/waitress and I said...

"Yeah, we have quite a history together. She was my first back in high school."

What?!?! What on EARTH made me say this? Talking about losing my virginity to someone my date hated?!

This lesson doesn't just apply here, though. Remember - a first date is essentially an interview. The job in question generally involves sweat and animal noises, but it's an interview nonetheless. Would you tell your potential employer such personal things about your past?

No. You and your interviewer are not yet friends. You don't yet know each other. Keep your date at a bit of a distance until you're sure it's going somewhere, or it probably won't.

Besides, spilling all the beans on your first date will ruin any material you have for the second.


2. Don't let her talk the whole time

Seriously. Don't. Even if she seems like she wants to.

One date in which I committed this offense comes to mind.

She was a talkative one and continued on and on and on and on about her goals, the things she wanted to accomplish, who she wanted to be and such...

...and being the polite guy I am I let her.

I didn't get a second date.

Weeks later when I saw her at our mall I asked exactly what had happened. "You didn't say anything, " she said. "You were completely silent so I felt like I had to fill in the blanks to avoid an awkward pause."

The entire time she'd been looking towards me to cut her off and discuss myself. This brings up two points:

a.) Women don't always want to talk about themselves. They want to hear about you as well (at least 1/16th of the time).
b.) Women want a man who has the balls to take control of the conversation. A simple and polite segue in to a discussion about your life/interests/etc. shows those balls and will keep her interested.


Perhaps more of these to come. Always good to catalogue lessons such as these so I can use them for my OWN next-first-date.

Racism

Last night I bore witness to an obviously racist action taking place at a local club.

I was bringing my buddy to a local "country western" bar with me. I haven't seen him in almost a year and we've been good friends for a long time so I was really looking forward to hanging out.

Well, we get to the door and the door man asks him to remove his doo rag and turn his hat forward - no problem, happy to do it. He acquiesces to said request and we head in...

...until head bouncer guy says "They won't let you in like that."

Let me describe "that." White baseball cap, light blue-red-brown-beige striped dress shirt (tucked in per request) with khakis and leather shoes - very well dressed.

"Sorry, we can't let you in. That hat won't work."

We offer to take the hat off - "Sorry, they won't let you in."

So we turn around and head back toward the car... until we see them let a white guy wearing close to the same type of clothing (hat included) enter the club.

We headed back to the door and asked why the white guy got in with his cap but we can't get in. The head door guy finally says, "Take off your hat and you can go in."

I've never had anything like this happen before. Crazy stuff.

180

Today has just done a complete 180. I suddenly feel moody, sad - perhaps downright angry.

Either I'm coming down from some glucoronolactone or I'm suddenly suffering from manic depression.

Whatever the case it's time for me to get out of the house for a little while.

One of those days

I love these days. I'm doing nothing at all and feel as serene as I possibly can.

I feel almost out-of-body - as if I'm viewing myself from the third person perspective. I feel particularly good looking, intelligent and successful today and that's absolutely great.

I have to wonder how much of it is thanks to the glucoronolactone in my energy drink - apparenty it grants its user feelings of euphoria. Then again I drink these things five days a week and rarely feel quite this good.

Some of it likely has to do with selling my motorcycle. After several serious accidents no longer having the bike takes a load off my mind.

In other news I met two very attractive girls at the local Chili's. Unfortunately, and perhaps characteristically (talking about my area in general), one was married and the other was extremely young.

So the singleness goes on... and on... and on...

Sucks for the military

Are you a member of the military? Do you enjoy blogging?

Not anymore you don't.

Hope you don't like MySpace, YouTube, Friendster or anything else that keeps you in touch with home while you're busting your ass overseas.

Cuz it's blocked, beeches!

That is all.

There are some pissed off folk in San Antonio today

Me and a couple friends went to San Antonio last night to watch Game 4 of the conference semis between the San Antonio Spurs and Phoenix Suns. I'd never been to a NBA game so it was quite an experience for me.

San Antone was whooping ass until the fourth quarter when they lost their lead and subsequently lost the game.

I still got to see Steve Nash smashed in to the fucking hardwood though! Don't get me wrong, I love Nash - so long as he's not playing against any of MY teams. I have a feeling San Antonio is going to hear a lot more "Dirty.... Dirty.... Dirty...." chants after Horry sent Nash plowing to the floor, though.

In other news today's my last day off work. I enjoyed a five day weekend - now back to our usual programming.

School's on its way back, too - just a few more sweet weeks off before I'm back to 15 hour days.

Damn that sucks.

Politics always succumbs to the wealthy

I've been watching The Presidents, a series first run by the History Channel in 2005, and I'm reminded of why American politics is so fucked up.

We're run by the same families over and over and over and over.

Speaking of poor politics, what democracy refuses to overturn laws initially created to persecute a particular race?

I'm speaking, of course, of marijuana laws. Created solely to persecute the dreaded Mexicans! Same people we're persecuting today! Awesome!

Short post - have a playoff game to head to in about thirty minutes.

Consider.

Numbers control my LIFE...

...and I hate them so.

I've never really considered this - or perhaps I have, just not in depth - but my entire life is run by a numbering system that, according to Wikipedia, "arose in India between 400 BCE and 400 CE."

No wonder I hate them. I had no say in their creation.

Consider - my job is quota-driven; I get paid based on the amount of money I make the company (in addition to a decent hourly wage, admittedly - but the commission I make is what pays the bills).

My education is entirely based upon numbers in the form of credit hours - I need x more to complete this degree and j more to complete the next.

My daily LIFE is run by numbers... food costs i much and gas costs w (as in way-too) much...

I've decided I don't hate math because of my difficulty in understanding its concepts - I have no such difficulty.

I simply hate the stranglehold mathematics seems to have on my soul.

Damn you, mathematics - damn you and your ilk.

Another good day

Two for two!

Always good news. I spent the day with my mom and her office out at a local lake. I seem to find myself near water a lot lately.

Things were uncharacteristically uneventful but I found this a repreive - it's nice to get away from the daily "do everything as fast as possible" grind.

Maybe I'm the only one that wants to do everything is quickly as possible.

Unfortunately the lake was closed to swimmers due to recent heavy flooding.

At the entrance to the park the cashier, a just-past-middle-age black woman with a thick southern accent, said, "You don't want to swim out there with all them logs anyway!"

"Sure do," I responded.

It appears the ban on swimming was for EVERYONE... even the crazy among us.

Further thought, from deep inside my head. . .

I've just discovered deep within myself the reason for myl self-refusal to truly "publicize" this blog.

I'd be embarassed if I ever truly let anyone know what was on my mind.

No wonder I'm single - I'm not ready to let anyone see how crazy I am.

Like my single-letter stress from before? Did you even notice? Something I like to call inflection-play.

I beat you read that word just a LITTLE bit differently than usual. Subliminal messaging at its finest - skip the mental processing stage and go straight in to the mental effects.

I just used the Rich Text Editor to do my italicizing; however, I've been using manually entered HTML codes to italicize throughout this entire blog.

I'm talking too much; half and half ;)

I can't abide an error

Not in grammar at the very least.

I wonder how many errors I regularly accept thanks to my ignorance of (or self-indoctrinated disregard for) specific rules of the english language.

I also wonder how I've managed to post three blogs in one day...

...I'll be that won't last.

I enjoy my life

What better way to end my day after wakeboarding on a smooth-as-glass lake than to cruise at seventy miles per hour with every window down?

The sun is in the perfect position - low, golden as it falls further and further through the atmosphere. Each second rotating the earth a few hundred miles further than it was before until it topsy-turveys my side of the world away from the light.

The wind is rolling in cool-warm air all 'round me - I'm still soaked through with lakewater.

Not for long.

Life is all incredibly poetic

We've recently photographed one of the largest supernovas we've ever seen.

Carbon dioxide, sulfuric acids and other compounds that may (or may not - survey says?) actively assist in the destruction of our atmosphere are being pumped in to it.

Thousands upon thousands of poor die from starvation daily, weekly, monthly...

...and I'm worried about who's hitting that bowl next.