Women. Are. Disgusting.

Seriously - every night we clean the bathrooms, and every night the women's restroom is a thousand times more disgusting than the men's room.

In the guy's room I may have to worry about broken beer bottles and handsoap being splashed all over the mirrors. In the ladies room?  Toilet paper on the floor - more often than not covered in BLOOD.  For a time the handdryer in the ladies restroom was broken so we subbed in paper towels. 

Those paper towels were always ALL OVER THE FLOOR - even when the trashcans (4 of them!) were completely empty!  When the dryer was fixed, I didn't even consider leaving the girls the option of using paper towels instead - I have never put paper towels in the bathroom again.

Ladies, you're supposed to be the CLEANER SEX!  Why is it that you turn your toilets in to a cess pool after two beers?

Frustrating.

Occupational Hazards

In my short experience as a bartender I've learned just how glorified the position really is.  It's considered an easy job with a rather high rate of pay, dependent, of course, on such things as the venue at which you work. 

 

And I must admit that while remembering drink recipes is pretty simple, and ringing in drinks and taking cash is pretty easy, there are parts to being a bartender that really kinda suck.

 

Most prominent on the list of occupational hazards is the number of cuts, scrapes, slices, slivers and bruises caused by broken glasses, shattered bottles, and occasionally very physical interaction with overly drunken guests.  I swear my hands look different after every shift I work.  Boy, that shit is annoying. 

 

But the greatest hazard of all, at least in Texas, is the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission (TABC) - the great enforcers of liquor law in our state.  There are severe penalties for serving minors, a pretty easy thing to avoid with proper identification techniques - but then there are the minor issues that cost major money, such as having less than an ounce of liquor in a bottle at any given time, or having a tax stamp missing or damaged on the outside of one.

 

And then there's the major issue that's often difficult to avoid - overserving guests.

 

This one scares me the most because of the very aggressive drinking habits of many of our guests, who hop from bar to bar drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking - yet somehow maintaining their composure...  until that ONE drink hits them and they get stupid.  What's most difficult about it is that when someone comes in drunk from their trips across town and you can't tell and serve them a SINGLE drink, you are STILL completely liable for overserving the patron.

 

Seems a bit unfair if you ask me. 

 

Anyway, I don't remember what I was getting at with this post - perhaps that bartending ain't as easy as it seems?  Yes, we'll stick with that.

 

The moral of the story, folks, is that bartending isn't as easy as it seems.  And also - bring the troops home!  That's what this post is all about.

It's The Most Wonderful Time - Of The Year...I

It was worth it to have worked tonight.  I was opening bartender - alone from 2 to 7pm, and bored stiff.  We were so slow I was certain I was going to close early, but at 10pm we exploded.

 

Walked out with 336 tonight.  Merry Effin' Christmas!

Night Life

I've changed my template to one called "Nite Life" because, quite frankly, I find it fitting. I mean, I live it. Which is why I rarely blog of late - I don't often find the inspiration to write at 5:00 AM.

Girl and I are still going strong - unfortunately, she's in FL for Christmas... which sucks, because I'd really love to spend it with her - but I can't be spoiled. She sees her family once a year and I get her the rest of it.

Dad's redeployed to Iraq, which sucks. He'll be back in about six months - but that's a long time from now. Until then I'm going to keep an eye out for my madre.

Life isn't going quite as smoothly as I'd like it to be, at least not as I perceive it. There are some nagging doubts as to the ways in which I'll be paying my mortgage and other bills over the next few months because I had to kick one of my roommates out (formerly refered to in this blog as Bartender, which, ironically, I now am).

However, I still have faith that God's got my back and that somehow I'll manage to make it work, even if a few sacrifices need to be made.

Until then, I'm glad I've got what I've got - in particular my girl. She has really turned out to be quite a blessing.

In the meantime, Merry Christmas to all!

New Jarb

Sweet beans, I got the job at a new bar.

 

I haven't mentioned it, but I was beginning to hate my job.  Even as the MC of their events, wherein I simply interfaced with other people and drank beer, I would feel dread during the hours before work.  All because of our GM - The Desolate One.  Arrogant, rude, prick. 

 

So today I quit.  Coincidentally, I quit while the owners were busy smashing the HAMMER down on this guy.  He's been a bad, baaad person.  Methinks it's catching up to him.  I hate to say this, but I hope losing me is a big enough loss to make a difference in whether or not they release this prick.  A new GM would fix the restaurant right up.

 

Anyway, love the new jarb so far.  I work with some pretty fucking cool people, many of whom I've known for some time but never really gotten to know. 

 

Hoping to make 2009 a helluva year.  New president, new jarb, great relationship...  new city?

Close Call

Last night could have really sucked.

 

I took Girl and her friend - who is leaving Texas for Florida in two weeks - to 6th in Austin last night.  Her friend had never been, and I told her there was nothing quite like 6th Street anywhere in the United States.

 

I was to be the DD.  I was not quite as DD as I should have been.

 

So Girl asked me to pull over.  I joked, "If a cop lights up behind me I'm going to be pissed, babe." - I signaled to make a turn in to the shoulder - and as soon as the signal blinked, I was light up.

 

Great.  Very (very) young cop.  Perhaps a bit younger than me.  So he asked me to step out of the vehicle- did some walking tests, etc.  Asked me to put my hands behind my back, cuffed me, seated me - I complied. 

 

He pulls Girl and her friend out of the vehicle - not sure why.  It's not illegal to be a drunk passenger.  But they complied, because saying "no" meant me going straight to jail.

 

Then his young buddy shows up.

 

For the next hour and ten minutes I sit in the back seat watching the girls get hit on.  I could hear nothing, but I could see in the officer's body language that they were being flirtatious. 

 

Fortunately, they let us go - waited for our friends to drive fourty-five minutes to pick us up.

 

Girl said it was like something you hear about on snopes.com - "When are you getting married?"  "Are you engaged?"  "When is he puttin' a ring on that pretty finger of yours?"

 

Hell, right before we left he asked me the same thing - "So when are y'all gettin' married?"  It's been four and a half months, dude.  Jesus.

 

Nonetheless, we're safe and sound.  As my friends said to me yesterday, Thank God I'm with such a beautiful girl.

In other news...

I found a clip of the commercial I was in recently..

 

http://www.sammurphey.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=189&Itemid=130

 

I'm the guy with the girl looking over bills.

 

Not my fault I look 12.  God made me that way.

Eleeection Dayyyyy

And my choice has been made.  Let's hope I don't regret it later.

 

Thinking of leaving my current job.  I've got it made there in some respects - the schedule I want, the MCing of their major events - but I don't feel like that place is for me anymore.  So I've applied elsewhere.  And methinks I'll BE elsewhere in the near future.

 

School...  is bland and boring.  I'm almost done, though.  I sometimes wish I'd just taken the opportunity to go to one of the schools far-far-away by whom I was accepted.  I feel like if I hadn't stayed so close to home I'd not have taken so long to graduate.  But then I wouldn't own this house and have met all these friends... 

 

...but I don't want this house anymore.  Just another result of the War in Iraq - me staying here for my mom.  I don't regret the decision, though, because I feel I've really made my mom's life a little bit easier.  And my life hasn't been so bad in the process.  In another year I'll be free to move around as I see fit - and to do so without college debt hanging over my head because the equity in my home will have paid for it all.

 

Girl and I had sex for the first time in NINE DAYS yesterday.  She knows me well.  The other day at lunch I came on to her in a way she didn't like - and a way I suppose I've been coming on to her a lot lately...  too aggressively.  No "love-making" - just "fucking."  So she went off on me - "This is why I never want to do it anymore..  You always come at me like this."  She apologized later, but I'm stubborn.

 

So the past five days I've literally been ignoring her sexually.  Kisses, hugs - lay down and go to sleep.  I've been waiting for her to literally ask ME for sex.

 

Last night, says she to me with a smile - "Can we please have sex tonight?  I'm getting kinda tired of your attitude."

 

She reads me like a book.  But I still win, right?

 

My 23d year of life is going to be my best.  I'm going to graduate college, sell my home, and get the fuck out of this shithole town in which I'm stuck.

 

Or I'm going to die trying.

 

I hope I don't regret that last line later.

23 on the 25

This birthday will go down as among the best I've ever had - Girl truly, truly spoiled me this birthday weekend.  Details follow.

 

She reserved a suite for us at a huge resort in NE Texas - a resort attached to a massive 70,000 square foot indoor waterpark!  We got there and spent the day (of the 24th) running around the massive hotel and playing in the superbadass waterpark.  This place was family-oriented, so there was a lot of stuff for younger kids to do.

 

And we did it all.

 

The park closed at 10PM so we trolled to the bar, one level below our suite, and began the imbibement.  The bartender hooked us up - as bartenders tend to do when Girl is at the bar, as she is absolutely gorgeous AND completely unpretentious - and we spent the next two hours getting un-Sober.  Afterwards, we returned to our suite with just about fifteen minutes left until I officially turned 23 (and four double-crown and coke ToGo drinks in hand).  Girl tells me to go explore the hotel and fills the 32oz collectible margarita glasses we'd procured earlier in the evening with a couple C&Cs.  So exploring I go, helping a kid in luggage cart down the hall by pushing him with great haste (by his request, of course!).

 

When I return to the room, what do I find?  Darkness + candles + bubblebath + Girl in an absolutely ravenous red teddy.  I'll spare you the details, but the rest of the night was filled with body paint, edible candles, vibrating toys and screaming orgasms.

 

The next day was spent at the waterpark again - a blast, again.  Then we drove to Dallas.  Girl had never been before, so the sight of the Dallas skyline was extremely exciting.  I took her through Downtown (we'll pretend it was on purpose and had nothing to do with the fact that I was ever-so-slightly lost) where she took the most badass pictures I've ever seen taken on a non-Pro digital camera.

 

After several hours we found a hotel and went down to Greeneville Ave., which is the equivalent of Austin's 6th street - and got fucking BLITZED.  We met some damned cool people, took some awesome pics and enjoyed a helluva KISS revival concert.

 

My God I love this girl.

 

Happy Birthday to me!  And to CiC :)

New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits, Chinese food makes me sick.

The title is obviously from a song - and it's serving as a trivia question for tonight's event.  Extra points if you can tell me the name of the song, artist's name AND the year it was released.  Hah.

 

It's another Wednesday and as I prepare for tonight's trivia event I figure it's a good time to get in touch with my blog.

 

Things are going pretty well - financially I'm surviving.  I'm having the wood floors I bought four months ago installed in a week and I'm pruning the rather overgrown redtips in my front yard.  I had a termite inspection yesterday - going to have a foundation inspection in a couple weeks...  it's time to sell this house.  Gotta get rid of the anchor.

 

Now, the housing market here is moving as slowly as it is anywhere else - BUT - and note that everything hereafter is speculation, nay, HOPE - we're having a massive troop movement in March/April/May.  The Army is literally moving 10,000 soldiers from HERE to ANOTHER base - and 10,000 soldiers from THAT base are moving HERE.  This means families packing up and moving.  This means people wanting to buy property.  And I suspect that when they see how much lower the pricetags here are than they are where they're coming from, the housing market here is going to turn in to as CLOSE to a seller's market as it has been in the last decade.  I think this is my best chance to get this house off my hands, and I'm afraid if I miss this chance I'm going to be stuck with it for another few years.

 

And I'm 22 - 23 next week!!!  And I'm nearing the end of college.  And I want to live life again.  I miss home immensely - I haven't been back to Germany for a decade as of this year - and it's time for me to revisit my youth.  And time for me to see the country and MORE of the world.  Plus, selling the house will alleviate ALL of my debt.  If things go well, I'll essentially be starting with a clean slate.

 

The girlfriend and I are doing quite well.  She cut her long, long hair to shoulder-length...  and it's gorgeous.  I prefered it long, but I definitely can't complain about her new hairstyle.  What a beautiful girl she is!  Ah, love.

 

Back to preparing for tonight.  Remember kids - eat your veggies.

And I opened the conversation with a lie

I find it disturbing - no, take that back - HILARIOUS how common it is for people to open communication with others with a bold-faced lie.  Bold-faced lie.  I decided it was best done literally.

 

After work the other day, as we were cleaning up the night's mess, one of my coworkers told me he'd popped a couple exo's and a bar just a few hours before and wanted to know how fucked up he looked.

 

He looked fucked up.

 

About ten minutes later his girlfriend pulls in to the lot to pick him up.  As he opens the door, the first words out of his mouth are...

 

"Someone slipped something in to my water."

 

That.  Is quite.  Funny.

So much time together..

Girl and I decided today that we were going to work on spending some time apart.  We spend almost every minute together and it's having a small impact on our lives - for instance, instead of cleaning my carpet we got together, rented a DVD and smoked.

 

So we're going to work on focusing on our own lives instead of basing our lives around those of one another.

 

This is a good thing, I'm sure, but it seems a bit backwards.  We've been so infatuated with one another up to now that I wonder what this time apart is really going to do.  Is it going to be an out-of-sight, out-of-mind thing?  For her?  For me?  This is the first serious relationship I've had in a while and I admit I'm a bit worried about destroying it so quickly, especially since this girl is so amazing.  Maybe I'm being young and naive in even caring about this.  I mean, I'm still 22 (almost 23) and the chances of this turning in to anything of particular permanence is slim to none... 

 

Even moreso, I'm probably being naive and overthinking the entire situation.  I should just let it ride and see what happens.

 

Among other stressors is Roommate.  I'm going to sit him down when next I see him and explain that rent is due on the first.  If he can't do that, he'll need to find a new place to stay.  Paying his rent over time is ridiculous and is costing me a lot of money.

 

Blah.  Life is annoying.

Things worked out for the best... again.

I try my best not to be compulsive, but sometimes I just can't help it.

 

On Sunday night I had a few drinks and a few bowls and gave IN - I'd promised myself I wouldn't call her because I knew she was spending her last day in her home town seeing her friends - but I called.

 

She answered immediately, so I was slightly relieved, but a bit on the pissy side.  We hung up shortly after and, perhaps bothered somewhat more from knowing she had ready access to her phone, called her right back and grilled her - albeit politely - as to why I hadn't heard from her.  Night ruined, I trucked off to Austin with one of my roommates and had some fun.  Made me feel much better, and also gave me the time to realize what a douche I was being for no apparent reason. 

 

Anyway, I picked her up from the airport yesterday and I can honestly say that I've never seen two people as happy to see each other again as we were.  We were instantly back to where we had been when she left.  We walked out of the airport and she stepped forward to hit the elevator, looked back with her gorgeous smile and said, "So you overreacted a little bit yesterday, don't you think Boy?"  I said, "Yes, Girl" and that was it - we didn't need to mention it again.

 

Rewind to just before I arrived to pick her up at the airport.  I remember her telling me once that she fell in love with gardenias while she'd lived in Florida and had only seen them a handful of times.  She really, really loved the flowers.  So last week I ordered some to make an arrangement as a gift to let her know how much I missed her.  I spent almost 100.00 on only 3 flowers - filled a bowl with water and jasmine and put the three beautiful gardenias in the middle (they were all pretty impressive specimens, considering they're out of their natural growing season) and voila!  I knew I had something she'd like.

 

Now I dunno if you know this, but gardenias are strong, strong smelling flowers.  So instead of bringing them in to the airport and handing them to her at arrival - cliche, no? - I put them in the back seat and closed all the windows to let the sweet smell fill the car.

 

I opened her door for her, let her in and got in myself and said, "Man, it smells good in here."  Says Girl (yes, we really call each other Boy and Girl.), "It really, really does.  What is that?"

 

Right as she sniffs the air freshener I reached back, grabbed my bowl of flowers and placed them on her lap.  She looked down at them and just stared.  And then she started crying.  We held each other for about fifteen minutes in that parking garage while she thanked me over and over again.  It was pretty intense - I started crying and shit too.  But only a little bit.  And I promise you it was totally manly.

 

I'm so, so stoked to have her back.  It's nuts, but I really, really love this girl.

Down

I woke up this morning and found that last straw that everyone talks about.  I walked in to my kitchen and saw that my front-right burner had been left on all night.  I also noticed that the sack that held dank in it the night before was empty - and that the knives we use for knife hits had been washed and dried.  So I flipped.  This is my house and I can't afford to have it burn down because one of my roommates acted irresponsibly.  I went to each of their rooms and tried to figure out who'd used the stove.  The Roommate that's been here forever said he hadn't - and I believe him because he pays his rent on time and in almost three years hasn't felt the need to lie to me.

 

Other roommate (formerly Bartender in older posts) said he hadn't done it either.  So I walked off, fuming but silent.  I planned to drop the issue, but Other walked out professing his innocence - which makes him look more guilty, of course.  We got in to quite a fucking argument and left pissed.  I'm positive it was him - he's late on rent EVERY month (he's cost me more than half the rent he's paid me in late fees on my mortgage and overdraft fees in checking) and he lies constantly.

 

If he doesn't pay his rent today he's out.

 

Also bothering me is that I haven't heard from Girl much since she's been out of state.  This is likely nothing, but I guess I'm a bit paranoid because she had to see the boy she loved "more than anyone she's ever loved" at the wedding, reception and afterparty.  I didn't expect to hear from her much anyay, seeing as she as IN her best friend's wedding - but at least send a text. 

 

Just a bunch of shit on the ol' noggin right now, I guess.

So much is going on

and I feel like I have nothing to write about.  I kinda wanted this blog to be something more than a day-to-day recounting of events that occured in my life, but because I write about things weeks after they occurred I find that I've lost the "in-the-moment" connection to my stories.  It turns out it's pretty hard to remember how you were feeling or what fleeting thoughts were passing through your head unless you write about those things on an as-they-come basis.

 

So I'll just say that things are going well - girl and I are having fun.  She leaves for vacation for a week, and I'm curious about what changes her sudden and absolute absence from my life - for however short a period of time - will bring to our relationship.  We've spent nearly every day and night together since we first began seeing one another a few months ago - I can count on one hand the number of times we've been apart - so this will no doubt be a bit of a system shock.

 

I think it's weird that we spend so much time together, to be honest.  Not in a bad way at all - it's just I've never ever been the type to want to spend every minute with the girl I'm with.  I'm an independent, gonna-hang-with-the-guys-a-few-times-this-week person, not a spend-every-minute-with-her type.  So I guess what I'm saying is it's pretty sweet.

 

And I also guess deep down inside I'm somewhat afraid that this protracted separation (when compared to the very little time we spend apart, at least...  a week isn't a particularly long time for anything at all to happen) will change our feelings about seeing one another so much.

 

Who knows?  I'm no good at this dating stuff - I just prefer not to think about it and see what happens.

 

This was a pretty damned fulfilling post.  Swedish.

Watching girl...

Soaking, shiny brown hair.  Beautiful tan skin - wrapped in a towel on her cell phone talking to her coworker about her company's marketing needs...

 

Hope she hangs up soon so I can tear that towel off her.

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig update

It's been so long and so much is going on right now that I'm going to do the unthinkable and categorize this post.

 

 

New Girl

 

I always complain about how shitty the dating situation in this town is but sometimes I get lucky.  A few weeks ago a stunning girl came in to the restaurant.  I had fun with the guests like I always do - and then somewhere in the middle of the conversation she busted some Visine out of her purse.  Called her for a stoner immediately.  And I was right - it turns out someone had left a quarter and some papers at some party recently.  Being the upstanding employee that I am, I asked her to be so kind as to twist one up and smoke me out in the parking lot.  She obliged.

 

A few weeks later now and we can't get enough of each other.  We have been together every day for two weeks straight and have been having a blasty blast.  Do I worry that we're going to burn out on one another if we keep this up?  Yes.  Absolutely.  And so does she - but it's hard to do anything about it right now. 

 

Anyhow, we took her to Austin last weekend for her birthday and saw Paul Wall, Lil Boosie, Lil Will and Soulja Boy at HeatWave and got hammered two nights in a row on Sixth street (and I mean hammered).  We had some dirty, dirty sex in a hiding spot in the middle of Austin and took so long that our car got locked in a parking garage overnight.  Had to get a cab to the hotel and then get ANOTHER cab back to the car the next morning.  Hilarious hijinx, no?

 

 

House Situation

 

We're moved back in to my house.  I've got the carpets in the bedrooms all done but the hardwood floor I bought is still sitting in boxes until we're ready to get it done.  The roommates are doing well - things are more or less good.  Really, really, REALLY need to get the floor down though.

 

 

Work Situation

 

This Trivia emceeing thing is really working out.  I'm starting to see regular teams of 20 and 30 people come and play with me - last night we had upwards of 150 players - and because of this it looks like the restaurant is going to ask me to emcee another event on Tuesdays.  It's cool because I'm starting to get recognized as the trivia guy everywhere I go.  Granted, this is a small town (150k or so) but it's still somewhat flattering.

 

Here's hoping things continue to go well.  Much love to my homies!

The Happening - didn't.

May be my fault this time.  She cancelled a date on me to go to a club my best friend bartends at.  Promised him that if she cancelled I'd come visit him.  I warned her that I'd be there and that I'd be at his bar.  I knew she'd end up there because every hot girl in this town goes to him for drinks.  My boy's got it like that  ;)

 

Anyway, eventually I see her there.  I say hi...  and then I start getting mobbed by people I know.  This night just happens to be mostly girls.  I'm not at all flirtatious with these girls.  Totally respectful.  I talk to her a bit, but I'm trying to respect the fact that they've having a girls night out.  Then I kissed her at the bar...  and then I may have accidentally went too far on the ignoring.

 

In my defense, I went to every bar in the place (6) and people were feeding me shots.  I was hammered.  Either way - just trying to be respectful.  Needless to say, she isn't talking to me at this point.  And I was really just trying to let her enjoy her girl's night out - not wanting to be in the way.

 

Oh well.

 

In other news, there's this girl from my bank that I've always had a bit of a crush on.  She's so, so stunning - Guamanian girl...  modeling and all that.  Awesome. 

 

Anyway, I saw her at the bank and made the comment that I never see any of them out in the world and that they're obviously all holograms.  Didn't tell her where I worked or anything - but when I got home I told my roommate that I had a feeling I'd see her tonight.

 

Sure enough - she showed up with the entire bank.  And gave me her number.  Apparently she's pretty interested. 

 

I'm pretty stoked on this one.  I've been digging this girl from afar for a year and a half now and never had the balls to do anything about it.  Perhaps I've found my chance.  Serend(r)ipity, right?

 

Maybe.  :)

The Happening Fucking Sucked

...but the company I was with made it enjoyable.

Seriously.  I think Shyamalan FORCED Wahlberg to act like a douchebag in this movie.  I get it - plants hate aggressive people and totally dig nice, douchebag guys who let themselves get run over.  And I understand that Shyamalan is sending us a message to stop tripping over little things.

But dude.  You could have done a better job of presenting your case.

AFTER the movie we went midnight swimming.  I already find her extremely attractive...  but wow.  The sight of her in a bikini is mind-blowing. 

We're taking things slowly and having a good time.  Maybe - just maybe - something will actually happen here.

We shall see.

Things are going exceedingly well

...since I've begun working at this restaurant.

 

I didn't realize the amount of attention you can get by being a server.  I've been getting quite a few numbers from really, really hot girls.  One girl, M, with whom I'm talking now, starts working at hooters next week.  Not that that's necessarily a good thing - but the last girl I dated worked at hooters and she was pretty cool.

 

They've got me running live trivia at the new restaurant and that's also working out very well.  I mean, this is a HUGE restaurant.  They spent 4 million to build it.  So DJing this trivia is a really, really big deal.  I've probably met and spoken to about 300 new people today just BECAUSE of the trivia.

 

The owners of this place say the trivia guys at all their other stores get laid a lot more after doing it.

 

Not that I particularly care about that - but I'm still pretty fucking excited about the opportunity.

 

Gotta keep it short - writing this post from work.  Much love.

Man I wish I'd hurry up and fix my laptop

Excuse the long absence - I haven't had steady access to a computer in who knows how long.  Hint to all Microsoft users: Never authorize automatic updates.

 

Anyway, lots has changed for me.  I left the bar and started working at a brand new restaurant in my area serving tables.  I've never served in my life but I'm catching on pretty quickly.  With any luck I'll be back behind the bar in a few months - but until then I'm making damn good money doing what I'm doing. 

 

In other news I'm moving back in the house I was going to sell.  One more person is moving in - my best friend, previously referred to as Bartender.  He has a few friends who are going to install hardwood throughout my house for 500.00 - and they get a huge discount on the materials.  We've already painted the place absolutely sick colors - so once the flooring is done it's party time.  Expect some rad stories on this blog in the near future.

 

As for Bar Girl, that chapter is temporarily closed.  We hung out a couple more times after my last post and had a blast.  She spent a lot of time talking about her ex, though - like I said, she dated him from sixteen to twenty - and I suspect she might have moved back in his direction.

 

Seriously - she doesn't come out anymore and her MySpace is deleted, so what else am I to think?

 

Since then, no new prospects.  None that I'm interested in, anyway.  I've always been pretty picky, but since Bar Girl started hitting on me my pickiness has become tenfold.

 

Gotta keep the confidence from turning to cocky though.  I've heard arrogance is pretty unattractive.

 

Still trekking though.  Still trekking.

Bar Flirting v2.0142

This girl came back around last weekend.  If you don't want to go back and read that post, I'll summarize - this girl is absolutely gorgeous.  One weekend she stared at me all night from across the bar.  Next day she came in with her boyfriend.

 

Last Saturday she came back out with her aunt (which she always does - never seen her here with anyone other than her aunt.  With the exception of her boyfriend that one time.)

 

Apparently she is single.  So I jumped on it.  Took advantage of working behind a bar and flirted and took shots.  At the end of the night she gives me her number and wants to hang out next day.  So we do.  And all is well until I meet one of her friends.

 

Said friend is 19 and of the nerdy variety - and she thinks that because she's intentionally rude she's a "bitch."  And that's what makes her "cool."  Not only that but all I hear all night is "[Bar Girl] is sooooooo pretty.  Blah blah blah.  As beautiful as she is you'd think she'd be a bitch.. blah blah blah."

 

Dick riding is annoying as it is.

 

As she gets a few drinks in her she starts showing her bitch side.  So I warn her: "If you're a bitch to me I promise I'll be a huge dick to you."

 

Anyway, we head back to BG's house and chill some more.  I just happened to have a bowl of dank so I smoked her friends out.  And then BG's little friend gets loud.  "Blah blah blah."  Naturally, I know exactly what to do to infuriate a 19-year-old girl.

 

Poke at her insecurities of course!

 

I very sweetly joked about:  Her age.  Her acting her age.  Her glasses. 

 

You'd be amazed at how much little girls hate hearing things like, "When you grow up you'll understand."  They hate it.  Very much.

 

This fight literally went on all night.

 

On top of that, I found out that Bar Girl is 20 and has no car.

 

So - she's young, has no method of transportation, I don't get along with her friends and she just got out of a 4-year relationship she was with.  Further, her ex-boyfriend is now 26.  Which means he was 22 and she was 16 when they started dating.

 

All she's got going for her is that she is probably one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen.

 

And that is simply not enough.

 

But at least I was right about her staring me down at the bar  ;)

Interesting Twist

I'm keeping my house.  For a bit longer.  My best friend (I used to refer to him as bartender, but all three of my closest friends are bartenders, too) is taking one of the rooms, so my "rent" (mortgage, really) is going to be the same as living in a smaller place.

I'm stoked.  Party. City. 

Things are moving along slower than ever with girl.  So slowly that I'm beginning to lose interest.  She visits Miami this weekend though - we'll see if a full week of not seeing her stirs any feelings.

Then again, I haven't seen her outside of work for the past two weeks.  So what's the difference?

A Snag

So I invited girl out to my best friend's birthday party at his dad's bar.  Now, when I say bar I don't mean your local dive.  I mean this place generates millionnnnnssssss in revenue - millions.  And it just so happens that I'm very close with the people that run it - family close. 

 

So it goes without saying that I wouldn't invite just ANYone out with me. 

 

Anyway, girl says she'll come but the day of says she can't make it.  Finals the next morning.  And I'm fine with that. 

 

And then the text.  "Having fun?"  Yes, I reply - how's studying going.

 

"I went out to such and such bar with a friend.  Just for an hour."

 

What can I say but okay?  I hope beyond hope all night that the girl is smart enough to make an appearance at my best friend's party.  Unfortunately, she was not.

 

So, says I: "Best friend's birthday.  I'm undeniably hurt that you couldn't make an appearance.  If you're making some sort of point consider it received.  I don't invite just anyone to spend time with my family.  Good night."

 

And a slew of apology texts follow.

 

Now normally I just end it right here.  I have one rule - never do to me what I wouldn't ever do to you.  And this qualified as one of those things. 

 

Now, most girls aren't able to apologize enough for me to get over the fact that they shafted me.  This one may have.  So fast forward to a day later (aka - last night).

 

We meet up at a bar and hang out with her friends.  I'm beat from last night so I decide to leave.  She walks me out to my car and apologizes again and tells me how much she likes me and how attracted she is to me and how she's used to guys being douchebags and I'm different...  etc.

 

Followed by:  "I'm moving to Miami soon so I don't want to get too attached."

 

Now I'm not sure if I even want to bother with the girl anymore.  She so busy not getting attached that she's spending zero time with me.

 

So what if she's stunning? 

Things is a'movin..

I haven't blogged much - for lack of time, not for lack of material.

 

But things are moving.  Girl and I are still seeing one another and having a blast.  She impresses me, I've impressed her - all is going well so far.  Well, minus the fact that she leaves for Miami in August.  But honestly, I think this girl might be worth the emotions I'll have to deal with for the friendship and companionship and awesomeness she and I are sharing now.

 

This girl is not at all quick to jump in the sack and I find that really attractive.  I'm actually taking great, great joy in teasing her to the point she's almost willing to give in and then reassuring her that I'm not trying to take us to that level before she's ready.  Totally different, totally hot perspective.  She's a few years older than me (24) and I think that's a big part of why we click so well.  As stupid as it sounds, dating younger girls - even within a half-year of my age - has been a total failure so far.  None of them seem to be particularly directed or sure of what they want and it's refreshing (let me reread this post to make sure I haven't already used the word 'refreshing') that I've found one who has some sort of self-direction.

 

Work is going well - this semester is at an end.  10 more classes 'til graduation and then (maybe) law school.

 

What's funny about this whole blog is that I started by looking up law school student blogs - tons of those by the way - because I was seriously considering taking that direction in my life.  Anyway, I remember I found CiC and started blogging from there.  It would kinda be full-circle if I did in fact stick with the idea of law school.  Guess we'll see.

What a blasty blast I had last night...

I took a new girl - let's call her J - out to Austin last night.

 

I love ATX on Sundays.  The bars are almost dead quiet, so the bartenders can take more time on the drinks.  Which usually means better drinks.  Plus, I can bullshit about working at a bar and, while it doesn't always do me any good drinkwise, bullshitting is always fun.

 

We hit a bunch of the smaller bars and J got a few free shots out of the staff.  I guess I wasn't cute enough for those guys though, because I didn't get crap.  Oh well - they saved us a little money  ;)  I'd say they saved ME a little money but she was more than happy to buy rounds of shots and, well, who am I to refuse?

 

The second to last bar we hit was jamming with three bands.  So we hit the upstairs and listened to this guy solo jam on his electric guitar.  The dude was seriously, seriously rockin'.  I bought us all a few rounds and listened to the grooviness.  Groovy.

 

Anyway, hit my friend's bar and ended up at her casa watching Juno.  I kinda invited myself this time - not normal - so I felt bad and decided to leave around 5.  Got home an hour later and J and I crashed out.  A little making out and kissing and rubbing and more kissing (she has amaaaaazing, full lips.  yum.) and then sleep.  Until noon. 

 

Then... hangover city.  :)

 

In other news, B (remember the seven day relationship?) told my best friend's wife her side of the story.  Apparently, she was going to call and explain and apologize for being so, as she says, "unintentionally rude" but I called her first and broke it off.

 

I simply lack patience for these kind of things.  Perhaps I'll soon find that's something I need to change about myself, but for now it's who I am.

The Aftermath

She didn't mean to come across the way she did.  Apology accepted, but I can't move forward with this girl.  I've been through this kind of ride before.

The real deal is she just started hanging out with all our friends at the bar again and she wants to go out there EVERY night now.  Nothing wrong with wanting to party - just not what I'm looking for in a girlfriend. 

So I ended this one permanently.  Sucks, too.  I thought things were going somewhere.

Back on the single train.  Choo choo?

The Seven Day Relationship

Disclaimer, maybe?  This post goes in to great detail.  GREAT detail.  Beware.

I haven't been posting much because I've been seeing a girl - we'll call her B.

I met her at my best friend's pop's bar.  She was sitting next to my other best buddy's wife.  I looked at BBWife and whispered, "That girl next to you is bad."  Said BBWife - "That's funny.  She just said you were fucking hot."  Clearly, introductions were made and she gave me her number.  So:

Day 1 - Sunday

We meet up for a late supper on the strip we have out in my town.  We were absolutely hitting it off, so I brought her to my OTHER best friend's (also -- roommate's) bar where we drank all we wanted for about $15.00 plus tip.  Afterwards a rigorous makeout session ensued.  I then followed her to her friend's house (she lives out of town but was staying nearby) to make sure she got home safely.  A kiss and a walk to the door capped it off.

All I could think was, " This girl is really, really hot, funny, smart - and she has a seexxy southern accent.  I love southern accents."


Day 2 - I think you get it.

She came over and we went out to a bar and had some drinks and chatter and food.  She stayed the night at my house this time and I blessed her with the movie Hot Rod (Coooooooool beans!) - which we watched in between sporadic displays of affection.  I put her to bed in my room and left to go to the couch.  "Stay with me tonight," says she.  "We just won't have sex."  We end up on the bed, me in just boxers and her in boyshorts and a top.  Earlier that night she said SHE was being a tease.  She now knows I am much, moreso.  All night I'd start her up, let her start to fall asleep and then wake her up again.  She had work early the next morning, poor thing.  I got her to the point of giving in and then kissed her goodnight.

Day 3 - A really good day.

We met up again at the bar in which we'd first met.  We were all there - best friend and his girlfriend (a friend of B, best friends to my other best friend's wife...  Listen, this turns out to be a big circle.  We all are friends and shit.  Which may make this a little more complicated.  Cool beans? 

Cool beans.)

Anyway, we had ANOTHER great time.  Just click-click-clicking all over the place.  Said best friend's girlfriend - "You guys have a glow about you."  Whatever, but that's what she said.  Anyway, we leave said bar at closing time and head home.  It's about 3 am - so we have to be quiet because roommate is sleeping.  Straight to the bedroom we go, where she announces that she has work LATE tomorrow.  Two PM!  PERFECT!

We had amazing sex.  Mind-blowing, she would later tell my best friend's wife.  After an hour in my bedroom we walked through the house stark naked to my front porch to sit in the rain.  We had sex right outside, traffic driving right by us, the rain misting us all the way through.  Amazing.

Then we drove to the nearest Chevron to grab something to drink.  She had to go to the bathroom.  Apparently, I had to go with her.  We had amazing sex.  Again.  Trashy, you say?  Absolutely smoking hot.  Try it sometime.  As we did the walk of shame out the door, the cashier's "whispered" - out loud - "Looks like THEY had some fun in the bathroom."  I couldn't help but crack a smile. 


Day 4 - A really, really good morning.

She woke up at nine, turned my tv on and slept cuddled up against me until 1230.  I woke up, kissed her - and it happened all over again.  An hour later she had to take a shower and head to work.  She left with the biggest smile on her face I've ever seen.  Starrrrting to faaaaaall for her a biiiiiit!

Best friend's wife texts me all the things she said the next day.  Did you read the disclaimer above?  Somewhere in there were the words, "absolutely mind blowing" and "really huge."  Great news, no?

Day 5 - Chatty chatter

We had some great conversation, a little talk of future sexual adventures and made potential plans for the next day.  But I work at a bar - and as it turns out, bars like to open at night.  So I worked - and she didn't make it out to see me.  No biggie.

Day 6 - How sweet.

We chatter.  I'm kinda tired when she calls, but "she wants to talk to me."  See how my night was and such.  I was glad she called.  Butterflies begin around here.  I work again. 

Today - At like, 4 fucking AM.

She goes to my best friend's dad's bar again.  Around 2, she and the staff all go out to a karaoke bar in the area that sells alcohol after it's legally allowed.  She texts me at 2:30 and says, "Come to [karaoke club] now!  Please?"  Man.  I love that she says please.  Really.  I do.  I'm guaranteed to be stuck at work for at LEAST 2 more hours, so I tell her I'll be there as soon as I can. 

I was right.  I got off at 4:30 - and I had to bust my ASS to do it.  I usually get out at six.  They usually leave the bar around 5, so I went straight to see her, grunge and all. 

I get there and she's wearing this guy J's hat.  Now this guy is a skinny, kinda odd looking fellow.  But he can fucking sing - and he's got a really chill personality.  All in all, I do not feel threatened here.

I enter the karaoke room and we sit down.  She leaves a space between us and her friend sits.  Friend knows that we're seeing each other and offers to switch spots with her so she can sit next to me.  The switch isn't made.  This girl has sat next to me every time we've gone out up to now.  That's all I'm sayin'.

She says almost nothing to me.  Her friend leaves, so I whisper in her ear and ask for a kiss.  She.  Gives.  Me.  Her.  Cheek.  Forgive me for being vulgar, but your mouth has been places on me that are far more risque than my mouth.  What the fuck gives?

J sits down between us - she gives him his hat back and they begin to chat.  She doesn't touch him or anything - but she talks to him all night.  This would not normally bother me in the least - but I think I'm beginning to see a pattern here. 

J gets up to sing.  I hear her whisper, "He is SO HOT."  I look over and she's looking at him.  She says it again, louder this time.

J leaves.  I ask again for a kiss.  She says, "I don't want one."  It is here it becomes clear.  "All right.  Well, I've got to go.  Good night."

She gives me a tight-lipped, smart-ass smile and wave and gets up to sing with J. 

I leave and go to bed, infuriated. 

Do you folks realize what she just did?  She invited me out (something I had to work very, very, very hard to do) just to show me, rather than tell me, that her interests had changed.  Do you realize what kind of a bitch you have to be to do such a thing? 

I sent her a text this morning because I must have the last word.  "Way to be last night.  If you weren't interested anymore you could've just told me instead of being a child about it.  Later."

This has to be the most devious thing a woman has ever done to me.  Incredibly subtle, but punch-to-the-face obvious.

My mind is blown.

The Most Vindictive Person Alive

I am the most vindictive person alive. And I can prove it.

I visited WalMart (the WorstplaceManevercreated) and at the checkout got to experience a rude cashier. When I walked to the card-takin'-mo'chine it politely asked me if my cashier had greeted me.

She hadn't.

I said she had.

Then I said hello to HER and explained that because I had said she'd greeted me, I had to make it happen. Elsewise I'd be a liar.

She just half-smiled and kept ringing me up.

After all was said and done she pulled my receipt and I asked her to put it in one of my bags. She just stared at me. When I grabbed the receipt from her, she reached down to her carousel to open a single bag up, making it easier to put the next customer's stuff in.

As I walked off, I looked at her and stopped. Staring at her all the while, I grabbed the carousel and turned it so the bag faced me - the furthest possible point from her I could find.

I just smiled and walked off.

+1 for the consumer.

I am in zeh troubles

Nothing seems to have come of the aforementioned incident.  At least not yet.  If something does, I have "witnesses" who will testify in my defense - but I don't know that I feel so secure in that.

My troubles have more to do with school work.  I'm simply NOT doing it.  At all.  I've got about four weeks left in the semester and a million assignments to finish that should have been finished a month ago.  I guess two snowboarding trips and a whole buncha having fun and smoking weed have taken their toll.

Anyway, I'm quitting the weed for a while.  I have nothing against it and I'm sure I'll enjoy it every once in a while in the near future, but it's getting in the way right now and I can't have that.  So - goodbye pot.  You will be missed.

I'm having the carpet pulled in my house this Friday.  Then painting - then doing some lawn clean up - and then putting that sumbitch on the market.  I hope it sells quickly.  I think it can. 

Bar work is going really well.  Really well.  If not for the money then for the extreme increase in female attention.  That's always fun.

But it IS a bar - and these girls ARE drunk.  And about 60% are married - and over half of them are willing to cheat.

Just not down for that.

But man, I really need to get out of this town.  I like Austin way better - and I get tons of attention out there WITHOUT having control of the alcohol.  And those wimmens be single!

I ramble, and I apologize.

<3

Uh oh...

Yesterday I was at school writing the blog post you see below.  While doing so I did a google image search in order to find an ass I could compare to what I put in the post.

 

I found a picture of a blonde in a bikini leaning against a boat - pulled it up - and lo and behold comes a voice from behind me.  "You're looking at PORNOGRAPHY!!!"

 

About four hours later she and I had a class together.  A bit of verbal sparring (which I thought was in jest from the beginning) occurred.  Afterwards she went back to her work until our teacher entered.  Suddenly, she closes all her applications and logs out of her computer in haste - goes to the teacher (in front of the class) and accuses me of looking at pornography and being extremely aggressive and if she has to drop this course she will.

 

Then she leaves the room.

 

Ironically, she missed the midterm.

 

This could be bad.

Great weekend.

My sexlife is always in one of two states - ON or OFF.  I don't remember a time where it was inbetween.  I'm either getting hit on a lot for a stretch, or I'm not getting hit on at all.

 

After five months of OFF, the switch seems to be back in the ON position.

 

This weekend a friend of mine in the Big City gave me a call.  Apparently, her friend was in town and she was on a mission - to get laid.  And said friend thought we'd be the perfect match.  Unfortunately, I had to work - but after a bit of coaxing and seeing a few pictures I made the decision to call in to work sick.

 

Smart man, I am!

 

I met up with another friend at a party at an unnamed club (because that's giving away anonymity a biiiit too much) and hung around til Friend and her girlfriend came around.  Friend's friend was wearing a stunning blue dress that covered the MOST AMAZING ASS I HAVE -EVER- SEEN.  In person, anyway.  Seriously, I asked Friend if the dress was somehow padded, because there was no way in hell a white girl could have an ass like that.

 

--  SIDESTORY --

 

Almost ended up in a fight at this club.  I sat down next a stunning brunette who I'd spoken to earlier in the night.  We were chatting quite amicably until some random douchebag stood in front of us and began cutting me off every other sentence.  After a few minutes more of chatting betwixt SB and I, friend Douchebag asks her if she wants a shot.  "Sure," she says, and begins talking to me again.  Seconds later, "Umm..  can we take it AT THE BAR?"  So she walks to the bar with him, says a few words and leaves the club in a huff.

 

Now, you may not know this about me - but I'm a really, really chill guy.  Few things push my buttons.  But one thing that DOES push my buttons is intentional disrespect.  So I walked up to DB, who was standing at the bar alone, and said "Nice pull, there, buddy."  Says he, with looks a-smug, "Yeah, ya like that?"

 

Quoth I, "No.  You're a fucking douchebag.  A rude prick.  We were having a perfectly pleasant conversation until you felt inclined to 'save' her.  Fucking douchebag." 

 

Quoth he ....  nothing.  He walked away from the bar.

 

Apparently he's a smart man as well.

 

-- END SIDESTORY --

 

Anyway, we hit up another, brand-new bar (very nice, by the way - you should check it out.  And no, I won't tell you what it was called  :-)), got far drunker, met some cool new kids and went home.

 

And that, my friends, is where, a few hours later, I would see the most amazing backside ever.  Oddly enough, she was pretty self-conscious about it the entire time - but seriously guys, it was perfect.  Look up "perfect butt" on Google images and look at the Jill Scott image.  And then imagine a better one.

 

Fortunately, I got to see it again the next morning  ;)

 

So yeah, that's it.  I had a great weekend.  Pointless, moral-free (in fact, possibly amoral) story.

 

Because, as you know, that's how I roll.

 

<3

** Edit **

I feel inclined to mention that this girl's body was a 10 - not just her ass. Breasts, hips, flat stomach... all aaaaamazing.

I just have an ass-fixation.

<3

They were right.

The aforementioned coworker came in to the bar last night and got hammered drunk.  So hammered that she was suspended for two weeks.  So she walks up to me and says (in a drunken slur), "Well, I don't work here anymore (slur...) so now we can tell everyone that we're together (slur...)."

That we're WHAT? 

Then she tells me to call her later so she can come over.  I say, "I probably won't be able to call you tonight.  Got a date with mom in the morning."  Which I did.  Lunch.

"You PROBABLY won't call me tomorrow?  Then I'll PROBABLY find someone ELSE."

This is already shaping up to be trouble, so I'm calling it quits on this girl.

Perhaps I are the craze.

I figured while I had this thought in my mind I'd paint an odd picture.

 

Imagine two large countries with completely different social and political philosophies.  Philosophies that are, in fact, at total odds with one another. 

 

Imagine these two countries coming to trade agreements - and imagine both countries prospering amazingly thanks to this trade.

 

Now consider that during this apparent peace there are still the underpinnings of philosophical rivalry.

 

Now let's imagine that one of these countries - a major exporter of toys, animal feed and other items various and sundry - is using sub-standard products to make these items.  In particular, products containing large amounts of dangerous substances.  Let's just say lead.

 

Now read this:

 

There are many different health effects associated with elevated blood lead levels. Young children under the age of six are especially vulnerable to lead's harmful health effects, because their brains and central nervous system are still being formed. For them, even very low levels of exposure can result in reduced IQ, learning disabilities, attention deficit disorders, behavioral problems, stunted growth, impaired hearing, and kidney damage. At high levels of exposure, a child may become mentally retarded, fall into a coma, and even die from lead poisoning. Within the last ten years, children have died from lead poisoning in New Hampshire and in Alabama. Lead poisoning has also been associated with juvenile delinquency and criminal behavior.

 

Think again about toys - and the age ranges these toys target.  Remember, said country exports a fair amount of toys to said country #2.

 

Then re-read the above paragraph.

 

Perhaps I'm crazy - but wouldn't it be a brilliant idea to expose your largest economic and military rival's children to things that reduce their IQ, cause learning disabilities and stunted growth?  Would that not, in the case of a war between said countries, be quite an advantage?

 

Paranoia, self-destroya, no doubt.

They say it's a bad idea to sleep with a coworker.

We'll find out in a few days.

I did something bad today

I can't tell you what it is.  It's that bad.  Not murder - nor anything else illegal.  But bad enough.

I post this because, if ever you were given to the impression that I was a morally flawless person, I want to ensure you all realize I am not.  Further, I post this because one day I hope to read this blog in its entirety and realize that - hey, I'm not a perfect person.

Memories and all, y'know?

Bar Flirting

Is a bit different than flirting anywhere else. Having now been on both sides of the floor, I feel I can safely say it's a lot easier to flirt on the alcohol side. But it's a different kind of flirting. Much more.. temporary.

For instance:

I took a few trips from our cooler to my bar (on the other side of the building - this bar is a big, big place) and noticed a girl staring at me just on the edge of the dance floor every time I walked by. I took a look and *bam* - this girl is exactly my type. "Shorty right there was a 10." So, to make sure I wasn't imagining, I made a few "extra" trips for beer I didn't really need and sure enough, every time I walked by she'd stare - so I started staring back and smiling and winking and blah blah blah. Anyways, I introduced myself, and Christ if she wasn't just about the cutest thing I'd ever seen. She got really giddy and smiley, you know? So naturally I thought I was in. Well, we chatted a bit and I walked off, back to work - and for the rest of the night we played this staring and across-the-bar flirting game.

Next day, she shows up again. I walk up to her later in the night to talk to her - and she acts like none of that had ever happened. And then I met her boyfriend.

Go figure, eh?

Missing Word

Back in the day when I was a wee, impressionable lad I realized something very important about what women were ACTUALLY saying during discussions.

 

See, I used to have this girlfriend - H.  And she and I used to have discussions, because that's apparently what happens in relationships between the drinking and sex.  Discussions.  These were, I'll note, of the text variety.

 

These textscussions would usually begin with me asking, "Whatcha doin'?" or some variation thereof.  Nothing special - easy to answer.  The perfect opening, as Kasparov might say.  Or he mightn't.

 

Anyway, I could always tell what sort of mood this girl was in by how she responded.  If she was in a good mood she'd give me a long involved answer - "gettin my nails did, you?" or somesuch thing. 

 

By now you've begun to imagine H as a bootylicious, buxom and crazy african american female.  Well, she was DEFINITELY bootylicious (I'm an ass guy) - but she was white.  I say "was" because I haven't spoken to her in years and I fully allow for the possibility of a sex and or skin-color change.

 

But anyway.  When she was in a BAD mood, she'd respond normally, but would FORGET one word. 

 

That bitch would forget to say ", you?"  Can you believe that?  She'd leave out the one word that implied she gave a shit about what I was doing.  It also made it very difficult to continue the conversation because, well, she hadn't asked what I was doing and since the entire conversation was based on "doing" the conversation essentially came to a screeching halt.  The next text from me would be somewhat awkward, like putting a round purple peg in to the square orange hole or putting both legs through one pantleg.

 

In other words, the whore was +1 on me every time. 

 

I guess the entire point of this post is this - I recently began using this method in my text conversations with women.  And let me tell you - I'm quite the fucking brain ninja.  It puts across the whole "i don't really care about you that much but I guess I'll talk to you if you have nothing better to do" vibe that - let's be totally honest - women love.

 

Because, in the early stages of relationships, women don't want guys to care.  At all.  The less the better.

 

Ah - another text incoming.  Better believe I won't use the word "you" in it anywhere.

 

Brilliant.

 

What the hell happened?

You mean you don't know?  Neither do I.  I just got back from Austin at 8 my time.  I don't remember anything from 2 am to now.  I just remember "waking up" (while driving) only to find my face and my fists covered in blood.

Doubleyoutee-eff?

Also - this bartender in A-town.  I have to have her in my life.  Man.  So hot.

I love the big city  ;)

To the people of MySpace

Hopeless Romantic - Haven't seen you in years.  Per your request I have viewed your updated profile and pictures.  You ask me what I think?  I think you're an idiot and am now reminded of why we haven't spoken in so long.  Deleted.

 

I Hope She Knows - If she has MySpace she does.  You big girly man.  Next time I see you I'm gonna punch some masculinity in to your face.

 

To the guy that always posts the most pitiful status messages and moods in plain sight and wonders why he never, ever gets women.  Dude.  Stop posting that shit.  Pitiful doesn't work.

 

Thank you kind neighbors - and God Bless.

 

 

Wow, really?

So I have this friend - one of my closest buddies in the world.  This guy cock blocks me on a regular basis just because he's him.  Seriously - I usually have no problem with women, but when this dude is around EVERY girl wants to talk to him.  Plus he's better than me at golf and at some video games.

So why is it that he kicked me out of his house because I'm better than him at Call of Duty 4?

This guy hates to fucking lose. 

Wonder what's going to come of this dumb shit tomorrow.

When I raise my trigger finga...

Would you like to hear about Ruidoso?  Yes?  Well...  friends.  Romans.  Lend me your eyes.

Let's just say it was a good fucking time.  Me and four of my closest friends left home for Ruidoso at around 2 am - very, very hung over.  We arrived at our cabin nine hours later.

And the fun began. 

We brought about an ounce and a half of some very, very good pot (some of which was smoked on the drive - dangerous, I know.) and shitload of energy.  Bought food, went out, had drinks...  but most importantly, we carved the shit out of the most snowless mountains I've been on. 

Seriously, the runs were ice.  On the first day one of my homies took a fat jump, landed it, went to hit another and got the nose of his board caught under a piece of ice at the top of the hop.  You can imagine what happened after.  Let's just say he didn't snowboard for three of the four days he paid for.  Oh, and - no refunds.

On to more important things than boarding - women.  Seriously, Ruidoso was packed with some very, very, very, very fine women.  Unfortunately, my injured friend dampened my ability to meet up with them by virtue of the fact that his pain kept him from going out.

"Why not go out without him," you might say.

Because I'm an idiot.

Anyway, I learned a lot about life in Ruidoso.  Most importantly, snow is cold.

But hey.  I'm back.  And I know you've missed me.

<3

Out o' Town

Back on the 26th.  More mountains to carve.

Much love  <3.

The Blower's Daughter

I'm sure several of you have already heard this jam, but if you haven't - consider this a recommendation.

Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ThuXEDvCZk

Perks to working behind the bar

Include, but are not limited to:

• Free drinks
• Sexy girls
  
• Being able to give sexy girls free drinks
• Those drinks being truly free
• Watching drunk couples in love
• Watching drunk couples fight
• Watching drunk people trying to attract mates by following their most basic of instincts - blah blah blah blah "let's take this outside!" stumble stumble

And stories like this:

Customer:  "I need four shots of tequila!"
Me: "Sorry sir, bars are all closed.  I can't get ya any alcohol."

Customer: [Nods assent, looks down - looks back up] "Okay...  THREE shots of tequila."
Me:  "Sorry.  Bars are closed."

Customer: [Nods head (rather vigorously this time) - looks back up] "All right.. three tequilas!"
Me:  "Dude.  Bar.  Closed.  Want water?"

[Five minute pause as I clean my bar]

Customer: "You gonna get me those fucking tequilas?!?"
Me:  "Are you fucking kidding me?  WE'RE CLOSED!"

So Tahoe..

...was a blastaroni sandwich.

Seriously.  My buddy's family was super fucking cool - his dad paid for every meal, room - all I paid was for my lift tickets.  I really appreciated that given the circumstances.  Won't lie - buddy's sister is stunning.  Independent, intelligent - has different views but doesn't force them on anyone.  That's so sexy to me it's not even funny.  A week around her was great. 

Hitting the slopes was awesome.  Hitting literally, of course.  I landed on my ass so nasty that after the first day I was miserable.  Second day came, though, and all was well.

Here's to Riodusa next weekend.

So get this...

I got laid off, right?

So I registered for school full-time++ (21 credit hours).

Because of this I may be denied unemployment benefits.

I know people who did nothing for six months while receiving benefits (who, coincidentally, were fired for misconduct - which means they should have automatically been ineligible for UI benefits.  They were asked absolutely no questions.  I know because I lived with 'em.)

If I don't receive benefits I will not pay a dime in Federal Tax that hasn't already been paid.  Nor will I pay next year - nor the year after.  If I don't get these benefits I'll lose everything.  If the government lets that happen (Federal or State) they can go fuck themselves.

"But UI benefits are a state issue, Parad0x."  Yes, but my state doesn't have a state income tax - so Fed is the only way to go.  Plus, the fed provides funding for UI so either way...

Man, I'm so pissed.  I lose a great job and try to better myself (on my OWN dime - the semester started 4 days before my layoff, so the state won't pay for any of this semester) and I get fucked.

Brilliant.

So I started at a bar...

...and it's a blasty blast.  Don't get it twisted, I'm not a cool kid yet - just a bar back.  But when it comes to tipout at the end of the night I do just fucking fine. 

Actually, it's really a good time.  I bust my fucking asssssss but I get to flirt with pretty girls all night long and I get a few numbers at the end of the night (okay, just last night - don't get carried away).

I have a feeling I have a better opportunity to bartend than a lot of the other dudes there.  We had a grueling, hour-long boring meeting where (at the end) the boss told everyone how "chill" I am and how I "have that look and that vibe."  That look and that vibe that brings the ladies in?  Cool.  Gimme a bar.

I'll be honest though - I've never been this sore in my life.  On my feet for 9 hours straight (yeah, we don't get out of there til 5 fucking a fucking em) and it's a killer.  Much different than the desk job I had two weeks ago where I sat on my ass hating myself.  I will say I've lost some weight already - probably a little to do with the improved diet and going back to the gym.  I'm surprised I haven't succumbed to the temptation to drink behind the bar each night - talk about something that'll ruin my "diet."

Anyway, Tahoe is three days away (four including today) and then Ruidosa Febr'ary 21-25.  Some might say I'm psyched.  Others might say I'm jazzed.  Whatev.  Bring on the fucking powder!

Bonus points if you count how many times I used the word "fuck" - regardless of the tense.

Boarding in a Week

So - to Tahoe next week.  Stoked.  Super-like.

 

Yesterday, in preparation for this trip, me and a couple buddies drove to a nice gear shop an hour away.  After rummaging and finding the gear I wanted (super sweet jacket/pants/lid - PS: Yes, I wear a lid.  Ever since I touched my skull after a bad bike wreck I wear a lid for anything that might crunch my dome.) I go to the counter and ring up about four hundred dollars worth of shwag.

 

I reach for my wallet to grab my debit card - and my heart plunges in to my colon.  I left my damn debit card in the ATM.  And I drove an hour each way to get this gear.  Wow.

 

So now I have to go pick this gear up later - AND I have to wait a week for my new debit card - which may mean no card in Tahoe.  Which would, like, seriously super totally rad suck balls.

 

And stuff.

 

Unfortunately, this isn't the only recent example of my sketchy memory.  In the past week I've done everything from leaving my car keys in a golf cart (friend was driving, so I didn't notice til we got back to his house) to leaving my cell phone at my parents' house - an hour away.

 

Time to bust out with some Ginseng.  Or maybe Jagermeister. 

Will you still love me... tomorrrrrrow?

To the three people (two of whom are midgets and don't technically count) and the goat that read my blog, I offer my sincerest sorries.

Posts are slow because my life consists of golf, video games and school. In other words, boring.

Much love <3

What could be worse than...

...getting your food behind the three people who ordered ten minutes after you, not getting what you ordered, not getting a straw for your drink?  Your fork breaking in half a third of the way through your meal.

Fuck it.  I'll take a gimp fork.

Unemployed

So we were given our slips yesterday.

I for one am somewhat happy.  I began hating that job long ago, even when I was making over four grand a month.  It was just tedious, boring, repetitive - and any idiot could do it.  I think that's what bothered me most about it - because lots of idiots DID do it.

Anyway, it was a sad day for a lot of our older employees.  Many said they had too much "invested" in the company.  To me, this is code word for not having invested enough in yourself in terms of education and such.  Sad that they may have such a hard time finding new work - but it does teach observers a lesson.  You're never educated enough.

I guess this means my blog content can be more open since I don't have anyone potentially watching my blog at work.  Now if they're watching it it doesn't matter.  They can't do shit about it anyway.

I'm wondering how I'll hold up after two weeks of no work. 

M = R

This trash frustrates me to no end.

Why is it that trashing video games seems to be every politician's wet dream?  Seriously - Mass Effect?  I've seen the "love" scenes it talks about and I can honestly say I've seen worse on CSI: Miami during prime time television.

If you want to attack something that has a wide youth audience and is full of garbage - from commercials to television shows - why not pick on the media?  What?  Because you're afraid of the backlash?

Oh.

I get it.

You guys attack video games because you feel there are relatively few consequences for spreading your uneducated, slanderous bullshit messages.  I mean, after all - what are vidjamagames ?  Technology, that's what!  And what is every middle-to-lower-class grandma sitting in her rocking chair popping prescription pills most afraid of?*** That's right!  Technology!

And because of this innate fear within Americas non-gamer populace you can easily get around the fact that EVERY game sold in the United States is rated by an approval board called the ESRB which - MUCH like our movies (why don't you go attack THEM?) - makes it painfully clear which audience the games it reviews are best fit for.

Simple formula Mr. McCullough - M = R.  Keep your kids away from the M vidjamagames and the R movies.  It's YOUR responsibility, not society's.

Dipshit.

***  Sorry Grandma, but it's true.  Druggie.

Road Rage

Apparently I cut someone off on my way to school today (adequate use of a turn signal no longer qualifies as a method of signaling intent to merge, I guess) so this guy starts honking like a MOTHERfucker at me.  Non-stop.  Wave of thanks didn't get me off the hook.  Anyway, I get stuck at a stoplight about two minutes after that and this big black guy comes out of his car.

 

He walks up to me and I roll my window down.  A conversation ensues - my words are verbatim, his perhaps less so.

 

Me:  "What's up buddy?"

Him:  "Did you realize that wasn't a fucking turning lane you were in?"

 

Me:  "Actually man, there are two turning lanes.  I moved in to yours."

Him:  "THAT'S HOW ACCIDENTS ARE CAUSED!  *expletives roll*"

 

Me:  "My bad dude."

 

And I just stare at him.  The light turns green, so I point and let him know I gotta go.  As I slowly drive off I see him screaming (in the middle of the street - to himself, while every car in traffic (there's a lot of traffic, by the way).  "IT'S THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT TO ME!!!"

 

All I can say is wow.  I complain about the shitty drivers in town a lot - and I'm sure I'm guilty of being a shitty driver as well (obviously this guy thought so) - but I can't imagine getting out of my vehicle to yell at some cat five minutes after the NOT-ACCIDENT occurs.

 

Thanks for clogging up traffic you jackass.

From the top down...

...things are never really that bad, are they?  I mean, no matter what happens we're essentially faced with two choices at the end of each day - survival and death.  No matter what - whether you miss a few payments on your credit card or get hit with hundreds of thousands in medical bills - no financial quandary can really end it all for you.  Unless you owe the mob.  That's probably a little different.

 

Somewhere along the line we've all been fooled in to believing that having means living.  So we rack up our credit cards, take out personal loans, buy big houses and cars - because we've all been fooled by those wealthier than us in to believing that TRUE HAPPINESS lies in emulating their every move.

 

This accomplishes two things - the rich get richer while you and I get either poorer or more confined to the middle class.

 

My goal for this year - and indeed for the rest of my life - is to enrich myself with experiences rather than with stuff.

 

Let's see how that works.

 

 

 

We live the muh-fuggin' LIFE

Really just discussing how great we have it with my buddy E.  I mean, we gots it made.  Unlimited access to alcohol - his dad owns one of the biggest bars in the area (an area which includes our state capitol, by the by - which is 50 miles away) and one of the other members of our "group" is the hot bartender that every girl that see him seems to want.  Asshole.  Anyway, on top o that we're going snowboarding TWICE in February, just got back from vegas in november - and we're all definitely set in the looks department as well.

So why is it that we manage to bitch about everything anyway?

Also - girl from before says she really wants to see me before she leaves.  That coupled with the non-stop making out at the bar the other night (tacky, I know...  but damn, she's so fine.) causes E to conclude that "maybe you should pursue it."

And man, some new ganja.  Goodness fucking gracious.

Lovin' life.  Lovin' it.

I want her so bad

Too bad she's moving back to Arkansas Sunday, huh?  Maybe that has something to do with this... desire, shall we call it?

 

Always want what you can't have and such things.

 

Anyway, I want her.  Can't have her.  Silly 2008!  You're supposed to be perfect.

In the last four years of my life I have been

all of the following:

• broke
• wealthy
• one of the weird kids
• one of the cool kids
• totally against drugs and alcohol
• an avid (but always responsible) user of the above
• a super-duper nice pushover kinda guy
• an arrogant, conceited asshole (which, coincidentally, worked out wayyyy better for me when it came to the ladies)
• a homeowner
• a wild-ass motorcyclist
• another entry on the list of people medivac'd from a bike crash by a helicopter
• a parent
• someone with absolutely no responsibilities

I feel like I've been at every end of the spectrum.

The reality of it is that in a few weeks all of the hard work I've done to earn the "stuff" will be useless because I'll be unemployed and there's no way in hell I'll find a job making the money I do now - until I graduate in December, that is.  I've got to sell my house, withdraw all of the significant savings I've accumulated over my years with this company and move on.

It's only just hit me how the only thing I'm going to have left is my experiences and the relationships I've forged over the past several years.  The material things we sweat and bleed for every day are the first things gone in a time of change.

I think these last years have totally changed my path in life.  I suspect for the much mo' betta.

Still stoked on this year.  Super stoked.

Backwards?

Sunday  nights are generally my "can't sleep" night.  I suppose this is because Monday's around the corner and I have the whole week ahead of me to think about - so I do.  I think and think for hours until I finally randomly fall asleep.  You can imagine this makes for crappy Mondays - but Mondays already suck so I guess the point is moo.

 

Anyway, I told you that for no reason because this particular thinking train was on last night - but hey, the more you know right?

 

It seems I'm regressing. 

 

See, two years ago I'd never had a drink, smoked, popped a pill...  nothing at all.  This was totally against my "personality" at the time.

 

Instead I bought a house, got engaged and raised my now-ex-fiancee's kid - and I thought I was happy.  I wasn't.  I was... content, I suppose, with this "adult" life I'd built while I was still essentially a kid.

 

Now I'm going the other direction - the older I get the more responsibilities I get rid of.  The more I become a carefree, careless kid.  I smoke (not tobacco), I drink, I party - I've got a cool ass group of friends (kinda highschool-ish, but we're the "cool kids" around town.  Mostly thanks to our connections with the alcohol supply in this town, but that's another story altogether).

 

So in a sense I guess I'm one of the luckiest people alive.  Because you know, grown-ups always tell me how they sometimes wish they could get rid of all their responsibilities and be a kid again.

 

And I get to do that now.

 

In other news, even though the people of Ruidoso, New Mexico lack the ability to spell they do seem to have some pretty sweet slopage.  Looks like I'm headed there a few weeks after boarding at Lake Tahoe.

 

Man, this year is going to be fucking amazing.

Ringing in the New Year

The right way. 

 

I got hold of some of the best dank I've had in this state, toked a few bowls with my buddies E and J (the people, not the alcohol) and then went to the bar J works at.  Went to my buddy E's dad's bar and had a few beers.  Went to the bar J was working at - smoked a bowl of dank before entering, at the new year and an hour after the new year.  Went to J's house and toked at exactly the first 4:20 of the year.  Fell asleep.  Woke up, toked up, hit the golf course - and toked again at exactly the second 4:20 of the year.

 

Then I bought tickets to Reno for a week of snowboarding.

 

This year couldn't have started off better - I'm stoked.