Bar Flirting

Is a bit different than flirting anywhere else. Having now been on both sides of the floor, I feel I can safely say it's a lot easier to flirt on the alcohol side. But it's a different kind of flirting. Much more.. temporary.

For instance:

I took a few trips from our cooler to my bar (on the other side of the building - this bar is a big, big place) and noticed a girl staring at me just on the edge of the dance floor every time I walked by. I took a look and *bam* - this girl is exactly my type. "Shorty right there was a 10." So, to make sure I wasn't imagining, I made a few "extra" trips for beer I didn't really need and sure enough, every time I walked by she'd stare - so I started staring back and smiling and winking and blah blah blah. Anyways, I introduced myself, and Christ if she wasn't just about the cutest thing I'd ever seen. She got really giddy and smiley, you know? So naturally I thought I was in. Well, we chatted a bit and I walked off, back to work - and for the rest of the night we played this staring and across-the-bar flirting game.

Next day, she shows up again. I walk up to her later in the night to talk to her - and she acts like none of that had ever happened. And then I met her boyfriend.

Go figure, eh?

Missing Word

Back in the day when I was a wee, impressionable lad I realized something very important about what women were ACTUALLY saying during discussions.

 

See, I used to have this girlfriend - H.  And she and I used to have discussions, because that's apparently what happens in relationships between the drinking and sex.  Discussions.  These were, I'll note, of the text variety.

 

These textscussions would usually begin with me asking, "Whatcha doin'?" or some variation thereof.  Nothing special - easy to answer.  The perfect opening, as Kasparov might say.  Or he mightn't.

 

Anyway, I could always tell what sort of mood this girl was in by how she responded.  If she was in a good mood she'd give me a long involved answer - "gettin my nails did, you?" or somesuch thing. 

 

By now you've begun to imagine H as a bootylicious, buxom and crazy african american female.  Well, she was DEFINITELY bootylicious (I'm an ass guy) - but she was white.  I say "was" because I haven't spoken to her in years and I fully allow for the possibility of a sex and or skin-color change.

 

But anyway.  When she was in a BAD mood, she'd respond normally, but would FORGET one word. 

 

That bitch would forget to say ", you?"  Can you believe that?  She'd leave out the one word that implied she gave a shit about what I was doing.  It also made it very difficult to continue the conversation because, well, she hadn't asked what I was doing and since the entire conversation was based on "doing" the conversation essentially came to a screeching halt.  The next text from me would be somewhat awkward, like putting a round purple peg in to the square orange hole or putting both legs through one pantleg.

 

In other words, the whore was +1 on me every time. 

 

I guess the entire point of this post is this - I recently began using this method in my text conversations with women.  And let me tell you - I'm quite the fucking brain ninja.  It puts across the whole "i don't really care about you that much but I guess I'll talk to you if you have nothing better to do" vibe that - let's be totally honest - women love.

 

Because, in the early stages of relationships, women don't want guys to care.  At all.  The less the better.

 

Ah - another text incoming.  Better believe I won't use the word "you" in it anywhere.

 

Brilliant.

 

What the hell happened?

You mean you don't know?  Neither do I.  I just got back from Austin at 8 my time.  I don't remember anything from 2 am to now.  I just remember "waking up" (while driving) only to find my face and my fists covered in blood.

Doubleyoutee-eff?

Also - this bartender in A-town.  I have to have her in my life.  Man.  So hot.

I love the big city  ;)

To the people of MySpace

Hopeless Romantic - Haven't seen you in years.  Per your request I have viewed your updated profile and pictures.  You ask me what I think?  I think you're an idiot and am now reminded of why we haven't spoken in so long.  Deleted.

 

I Hope She Knows - If she has MySpace she does.  You big girly man.  Next time I see you I'm gonna punch some masculinity in to your face.

 

To the guy that always posts the most pitiful status messages and moods in plain sight and wonders why he never, ever gets women.  Dude.  Stop posting that shit.  Pitiful doesn't work.

 

Thank you kind neighbors - and God Bless.

 

 

Wow, really?

So I have this friend - one of my closest buddies in the world.  This guy cock blocks me on a regular basis just because he's him.  Seriously - I usually have no problem with women, but when this dude is around EVERY girl wants to talk to him.  Plus he's better than me at golf and at some video games.

So why is it that he kicked me out of his house because I'm better than him at Call of Duty 4?

This guy hates to fucking lose. 

Wonder what's going to come of this dumb shit tomorrow.