Maybe I'm just not ready

So I stand on the edge of another "potential" relationship.

 

And I back away again.

 

I mean, relationships are good, right?  Fun?  Nice to have someone you trust and someone to talk to and all that, yeah?

 

So why do I find myself fighting against the one thing that people want most?  Part of it, I must admit, is that I'm just not feeling this girl that much.  She's great to hang out with...  definitely hot... going to school and all, so no worries there...  but somehow we're just not "connecting" on that level.  That line sound familiar to anyone?  

 

Maybe it's just that I'm not ready to take on anyone else's problems.  I have my own right now - I have a LOT to deal with.  Semester's ending, trying to sell my house... getting laid off at work. 

And you know relationships have that whole "listening" part to them where someone who has feelings for you and trusts you spills their guts to you and asks you for your advice and your help and a shoulder to cry on.  And I love being that.

 

But maybe my shoulders are a bit too filled with my own worries for me to take on someone else's.  Just thinking about helping a new relationship along seems wrong right now.  Like I'd kill it intentionally just to get it out of the way.

 

I guess I'll just do the right thing and end this now.  Better that than string her along, convincing myself that I'm just "taking it slow" when I'm really just stroking my own ego by telling myself I'm a good person for giving her attention.

 

Boy.  That's a post for you.

 

 

 

I can't wait to start toking again.

I'm so fucking sick of our government classifying a harmless, non-addictive, POSSBILY helpful substance as Schedule I - on the same level as heroin, methamphetamines and crack cocaine.

 

Really?

 

I think what bothers me most about this drug war is the BLATANT lies the Government has fed in to youth programs such as DARE.  I'm sorry, but I've smoked a lot of greenery and have never wanted to commit mass homicide or jump off of buildings.  Pot mellows me out.  The worst that's ever happened?  I've fallen asleep.

 

Unfortunately we continue to oppress users of a relatively safe substance - and we oppress them moreso than users of harder and more dangerous substances.  Urinalysis for instance - THCOOHC (do I have the requisite number of Os and Hs in there?) and other metabolites of THC are fat soluble and are therefore detectable from 7 days to three months (depending on the individual in question) after use.

 

Cocaine, a water-soluble (and proven addictive) substance, is usually indetectable in urine within 3.

 

So that means urinalysis are AUTOMATICALLY skewed against users of the most harmless (and third-most used) recreational drug in existence!

 

Fuck I'm sick of it. 

 

Once I pass this pee pee test I'm lightin blunt after blunt and toking till I pass out. 

 

Fucking government.

I Made Sweet Sweet Love

To this woman. Call her Angie. It's cool, really.

Actually, I didn't make sweet, sweet love - it was more sweet, sweet getting head until her husband (ironically, Tom Cruise) came bursting through my door in anger.

I mean who the HELL has these kind of dreams after the age of 16? Apparently, I do. And I'm not complaining at all, because Angelina is super fine.

The only thing I regret is being cockblocked by Tom Cruise. What an asshole.

But lovin' is the hardest part...

I have absolutely no feelings for anyone.  At all.

This may not seem a monumental statement in itself - but if you knew me better you'd be entirely shocked.  See, I have typically been an in-a-relationship person.  One would scarcely find me without a cute little thing on my arm - and one would scarcely find me in any state but... dare I say?  SPRUNG on that cute little thing.

As of today, though, I have been single for nearly one year.  No relationships - none I have even CONSIDERED starting - in the past twelve months.

So I have to wonder, again, is it me?  Have I allowed myself to become so battered by "love" and what comes with it (not to imply that I have been in love with all of the girls I've dated.  I've never been that hopeless) that I refuse to deal with it now?

No, I think not.  I think the problem is women.  I can read every one of them.  I can literally "foretell" any given woman's EXACT response to any given stimulus.  So much so that my friends have become coming to me for in-depth help with their 'game'.

For instance - I gave a close friend of mine a play-by-play of what to say to a new "potential" and also told him how to respond.  For instance's instance - she said she wasn't going to come out.  I told him she'd be there in thirty.  She was.  He asked her to come downstairs to pay her cover because she didn't have any money.  I told him - "She's just testing you dude." 

He went downstairs and she said?  "I have money.  I was just testing you."

That isn't the most in-depth example I can think of - anyone with any sense would have seen what I saw - but it gets better.  Anyway, back to my relationship quandary.

I think what I'm looking for is a woman whose actions I can't anticipate to a tee.  Someone over whom I don't have the guaranteed upper hand in this game of courtship.

By the way - that's what I love about this blog.  It's about nothing in particular - truly just a place for me to rant about anything that's on my mind.  I've given myself over to the idea that I don't HAVE to have anything super-story-like to tell in order for me to post.  With that in mind, here's hoping for more posts in the future.  Anyway, back to the point of this particular post...

Any takers?

Those CRAZY aliens!

UFO Files (or whatchamacallit) on the History Channel is awesome. This guy says fibre optic developments have the Roswell UFO to thank! Sneaky!

Those crazy aliens.

Give nothing

To those who seek their satisfaction in your destruction

Who feel best when in pity you wallow

 

Give nothing

 

No ground, nor tears

to those whose gladness grows from your grief

 

Give nothing

 

No time nor thought

but press forth on your way to greatness

in spite of those who wish you ill

and who in your greatest moments of distress

Feel their greatest moments of triumph

 

Give nothing

 

Take all

I hate the job hunt

Actually, I don't. The job hunt is pretty simple. I just hate all the decisions that come along with it - do I take this job or that job - and the inevitable "what if I had chosen the other position" thoughts - those suck.

I also hate urinalysis. Especially after a vacation. I completely disagree with them (completely) but they're a part of our world now. A shitty part, to be sure.

I'm still not sure what to do about my house. The housing market is terrible everywhere right now - my home could be listed for four months before it's ever sold! - so I have to pay for it for at least that long anyway.

I guess this is the part of my life when shit gets a little hard. My time for adversity, as it were.

I wonder what lessons I'll learn from this.

Maaaaann

It's so damn easy to find flaws in the new women I meet.  Even if I think they're drop dead gorgeous.

She's too pushy - I can't stand that. 

She's too needy.  I can't take that right now.

She's too slutty.  That was fun last year but I'm done with that.

Can you say JAAAAAAAAAAAADED?

Time to Sell

Man, I don't want to sell my house.  But I need to.

 

Up to now my need to sell and get this debt (and other debt) out of my life has been countered by the fact that my house is the illest ever.  I mean, four big bedrooms and a big living room - plus, this has been our crew's chill spot forever.

 

So much green has been toked in this house.  So many good times.  So many girls girls girls, both dating and otherwise.

 

But I HAVE to let this house go.  There are so many cool things I can do without a mortgage payment - like, go to school full time ...  travel to Europe for a few weeks (I haven't been home forever - home is Germany, by the by).

 

So someone convince me that I'm doing the right thing.

Back from Vegas

It was a blast.

Went with a buddy and stayed with another friend "up in Anthem".  Really nice pad overlooking a beautiful golf course - better than any hotel on the strip, and totally free.  Good friend!

This was my first time in Vegas and I was glad I could spend it with people who knew the city instead of being a tourist.  I got to play some great golf - even if we had to sneak on to a few of the courses at midnight - whatev.  And man did I smoke the finest and tastiest of ganja possible. 

That isn't to say I didn't party down.  We hit the strip a few times with a good sized crew - one totally fine chick that I wanted to talk to so bad because she's the classy type - not the look at my huge titties and ass but the i'm-not-a-slut-so-i-don't-dress-like-one fine kind.  Too bad she's married - nice rock on the finger there.

Vegas puts my city to shame.  I feel like life is being sucked from me at an accelerated rate.  Fortunately I've finally realized that I can go wherever I want to.  I have no true ties - I can do whatever the fuck I want.  Once college is done, that is.  

Man I wish I had some of that smoke right now.

<3 and miss you!! x0x0oxoxox

Not really. 

Fags.

So the big Boss walks by...

while I'm kibitzing with another employee and asks me what I'm doing.

 

"Oh, you know - chillin'."

 

Didn't realize it was her.  Not the right response. 

The hardest thing I've ever learned...

was when to shut up.

And I don't think I'm the only one.  Sometimes one is overcome with the urge to continue speaking after saying something stupid.  One falsely believes that continuing talking might be considered "normal" or "charming."  One does not notice that the looks of severe concern on ones colleagues faces are probably masking deep boredom and disinterest in the topic one shares. 

That's why I'm glad I blog.

Blogging: For People Who Just Can't Shut Up.

And I love it.