So I stand on the edge of another "potential" relationship.
And I back away again.
I mean, relationships are good, right? Fun? Nice to have someone you trust and someone to talk to and all that, yeah?
So why do I find myself fighting against the one thing that people want most? Part of it, I must admit, is that I'm just not feeling this girl that much. She's great to hang out with... definitely hot... going to school and all, so no worries there... but somehow we're just not "connecting" on that level. That line sound familiar to anyone?
Maybe it's just that I'm not ready to take on anyone else's problems. I have my own right now - I have a LOT to deal with. Semester's ending, trying to sell my house... getting laid off at work.
And you know relationships have that whole "listening" part to them where someone who has feelings for you and trusts you spills their guts to you and asks you for your advice and your help and a shoulder to cry on. And I love being that.
But maybe my shoulders are a bit too filled with my own worries for me to take on someone else's. Just thinking about helping a new relationship along seems wrong right now. Like I'd kill it intentionally just to get it out of the way.
I guess I'll just do the right thing and end this now. Better that than string her along, convincing myself that I'm just "taking it slow" when I'm really just stroking my own ego by telling myself I'm a good person for giving her attention.
Boy. That's a post for you.
6 comments:
connecting? god SPARE me that word...
but it sounds like you have a good grip on what's going on... at least you realize that it isn't something you want to deal with... don't string her along... trust ME... are you sure you're not Lawyer? the texas/germany thing isn't just a cover is it?
when it is the right girl ... it will happen ...and everything else will quiet down around you and the presence of her will turn itself up a notch ....
CiC - Haha, definitely not a cover. Yeah, methinks I'm going to cut it short before it even begins.
nerdgirl - Here's hopin'. For now I suppose I'm fine being single, though. At least I can take care of business without distractions ;)
Thing is, if you aren't sure about it this early on, everything is going to be a stretch.
If you have to make it work, is it really worth it? Probably not.
if you're not feeling a relationship, don't do it. it's such a crock, all the emphasis that society puts on being in a relationship. the truth is that some people like them, and some people don't. some people vacillate between wanting one and not wanting one, depending on their place in life. at least you realise this, and you're not leading her on. you're being mature. too many people feel so forced to pounce on the first possible relationship they see...and just end up leading the other party on.
Yeah. I grew up around that kind of gotta-be-in-love mentality in the small town I went to school in. I'm glad I got out of that school of thought. I'm just not ready to be a pillar - nor am I ready to ask someone to be that for me.
Or maybe that's not it. Maybe I'm just not feeling her at all.
Hard to distinguish between "honesty" and "egotism" sometimes, huh?
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